“Can we hear the heartbeat?” Dylan asked.
I looked to him, wondering if he was feeling all this emotion as I was. I couldn’t read his expression. I decided he’d been through this before, so it probably wasn’t the same. In fact, it might be a burden. With Maisie, he and Veronica had still been in a happy phase of their life. This moment probably didn’t have the same joy and awe as it did for him with Maisie.
I turned back to the screen, not wanting to see his lack of emotion.
“Yes. Here.” She pressed a button, and the steady sound of thumping echoed in the room.
My breath hitched. “Oh God.” Tears ran down my face.
The technician smiled. “That’s your baby.”
I was filled with such awe, and at the same time, sadness. I wished I’d invited my mom to come, because even with Dylan there, I felt so alone.
“It’s beautiful,” I managed.
“Would you like a picture?” the technician asked.
“Yes, please.”
“Can we have two?” Dylan asked.
“Sure.”
When the appointment was over, I didn’t want to leave. I could have stayed watching my baby inside my womb all day.
Dylan walked me outside, but neither of us said anything until we reached my car.
“Where are you living?”
“I’m at my parents’ right now. I’m looking at finding a job and a place to live locally.”
He nodded. “Listen, I was thinking that maybe I could move Corrine and Allison to another property I own, and you can move in next door. It would be easier for me to help you and share custody.”
I wanted to feel happy about this, and yet because it was so far short of what I’d wanted to hear, I couldn’t.
“I don’t know if I can afford the rent on my own.”
He gave me an irritated stare. “You don’t have to pay rent. This is my child, too. I’ll take care of all its needs.”
“I’m not completely inept, Dylan.” Tears sprang to my eyes that he seemed to think I wouldn’t be able to care for my child.
“I never said you were. But I don’t want you to be stressed.”
I didn’t want to get in a fight on the sidewalk in front of the doctor’s office, so I gave the non-committal, “I’ll consider it.”
“I’ll still pay for your schooling too. You held up your end of the arrangement, I will on my end too.”
Gee thanks, I wanted to say. But then my mother’s advice came to me. Instead of focusing on my hurt or responding with snark, I said, “I want to say something to you Dylan. You don’t have to respond, I just want you to know the truth.”
His eyes narrowed, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what I had to say.
“I’m sorry about not telling you about the baby sooner. That was wrong. I was scared at how you might react because you said you didn’t want a real marriage or children. It doesn’t matter, though––I shouldn’t have waited.”
He gave me a curt nod.
“Part of my difficulty was that I loved you—”
He opened his mouth like he was going to object.