“––and I did. I know the marriage was supposed to be fake, and I tried really hard to remember that, but my heart seems to have a mind of its own. I just wanted you to know that. I want this baby to know that when it was created, it happened because I loved you.”
His head jerked back slightly and his expression was a mixture of surprise and confusion.
“Finally, I want you to know that I was on the pill. That wasn’t a lie. I didn’t trick or trap you. It’s important to me that you know that.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I’m glad everything turned out well with Maisie. I really am, Dylan. You probably didn’t need my involvement and had you not asked, we wouldn’t be here. You probably would have preferred that, but while I’m in a bit of shellshock, I wouldn’t have changed anything, including this baby.” I put my hand on my belly.
I opened my car door and got inside. I looked up at him, knowing that if I was going to say everything that was in my heart and I mind, I had one more thing to say. “I wished things had gone differently. I’d have liked to have been a real family with you.”
28
Dylan
I watched Tessa drive off, feeling like I couldn’t breathe although I couldn’t decide why. She’d said she’d loved me before, but I dismissed it. Women often said things to get out of trouble. How many times had my mother said she’d loved me, and then pushed me aside when a new man showed interest? Even Veronica would resort to saying what I wanted to hear when things first started to go bad with us.
But there was something different about the way Tessa said she loved me. There wasn’t a desperation to change my mind or feelings. She was raw and real, and her only goal was to speak her heart and mind. She wasn’t invested in the outcome. It didn’t matter if I believed her or forgave her. She said her piece and left.
I walked to my car, feeling like I should be on top of the world. I retained custody of my daughter and I just saw my unborn child. I hadn’t been to a sonogram with Maisie. At the time, I was working hard to expand my business, and to be honest, the fact of a baby hadn’t seemed real until Veronica started to show. I’d regretted not being more a part of Veronica’s prenatal visits and I wasn’t going to pass it up this time.
With all this good, why did I feel like shit? Of course, I knew why. The question was what to do about it. If I were to believe Tessa, she’d hid her feelings for me because I’d told her our marriage wasn’t real. I’d said I’d never love again. But that was wrong, because the truth was, I did love her. I probably loved her long before I even concocted our fake marriage scheme. The problem was, I was too chicken shit to follow through. As it turned out, Tessa was braver than me because she’d put it all out there.
None of this I could worry about now, though, as I pulled into the driveway. Nothing changed the fact that Maisie was my main focus.
“Daddy!”
Her excitement at seeing me never waned. Whether I’d been a good guy or an asshole that day, it didn’t matter. She was always happy to see me.
“Hey Maisie.” I picked her up. I paid Corrine and then after she left, I carried Maisie to the couch. “I need to talk to you.”
“’Bout what?”
“Well …” How did I tell my kid I knocked Tessa up? “Have you ever thought about having a little brother or sister?”
“Yes. Are you and Tessa having a baby?”
A memory of Maisie asking about a baby when we announced our marriage flashed in my brain.
“Yes.”
“Yay!” Maisie clapped her hands in excitement and then she frowned. “Does that mean Tessa is coming home?”
Okay, this was where things got complicated. “She’s still with her parents. But do you want to see a picture of the baby? We got to see it and listen to the heartbeat today.”
“Yes.” Her head bobbed up and down.
I pulled the sonogram picture from my pocket.
She frowned. “Where is it?”
“This part here is the head,” I said pointing to gray image. “And here are arms and legs.”
“Its head is so big.”
I laughed. “Yes. That’s how they start out. You did, too.”
She laid her head against my shoulder. “I wish Tessa was here.”