“He works late—”
“He always worked late. Even when you were working late with him.”
And many of those nights he fucked me on his desk. Had his secretary replaced me?
“I don’t see it,” Emma said, shaking her head.
I looked down, feeling guilty for suspecting him, and at the same time, not sure I wasn’t right. “He’s so distant. It’s like we don’t know each other anymore.”
“Has he said anything?”
“That’s just it, we don’t say much to each other and when we do, we often end up arguing.” I wondered what she’d think if I confessed to her that I’d talked to a lawyer. If we couldn’t or wouldn’t change what was missing between us, why should we continue to live in silent misery?
“You know, there was a time when Derek and I started to drift a bit. Once a child is in t
he mix, between work and raising a kid, it’s easy to forget the marriage.”
I nodded. “What did you do?”
“We nipped it in the bud. We made sure we never went to bed angry. We always had dinner together. We had a date night once a week. I’m so glad we did,” she said wistfully and I knew she was thinking of him fondly. Although we’d already been friends when he’d died, we grew closer when she sought me out to give her advice on helping Nina deal with the loss, since I’d lost a parent.
“It might be too late for us,” I said.
She quirked a brow. “You’re still married and living in the same house, it’s not too late. Is it? Are you planning on leaving?”
I shook my head, not able to confess that I’d been considering it.
The girls rushed up to the table. “Can we get ice cream, mommy,” Lanie asked.
“Why not?” I said.
We got the girls ice cream, and when they finished, we headed out of the mall.
“Oh, look at that,” Emma said, pointing to a summer dress in the window of a shop.
“It’ll be winter soon,” I said.
“It’s sixty-percent off. Perfect time to buy it for next summer. Come on.”
We all went into the store. I looked through the racks of clothes, not expecting to find anything. Clothes shopping had lost its appeal when I’d gained weight. Now I was all about comfort over style.
I pulled out an emerald green halter dress, and for a moment, I had that feeling I’d had as a younger woman excited about the possibility of looking stunning. Quickly the feeling dissipated.
“You definitely need to try that on,” Emma said looking at me over the rack. “That color makes your eyes stand out.”
I shook my head. “I’d have nowhere to wear it.”
“So, set up a place to wear it.”
I shrugged, studying the pretty dress and trying to ignore the longing to be beautiful to Brayden again.
“Brayden works so much and we don’t go—”
“So, you set it up. Don’t wait for him. He might be waiting for you to make a move and with you both being stubborn, no wonder you can’t meet in the middle.”
Maybe she was right. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try it on.”
“That’s more like the Terra I know.”