Then again, clothes didn’t fit me the way they used to. Chances were instead of the dress making me look prettier, I’d make it look frumpier. But I’d already said I’d try it on.
“Will you watch Lanie while I try it on?”
“Of course.”
I went to the dressing room, trying not to look in the mirror as I took my jeans and shirt off. I slipped on the dress and with a deep breath to shore up my defenses in case I looked hideous, I turned to the mirror.
The dress hugged hips I hadn’t had before kids, but not in a tight obnoxious way. The dress tapered at the waist and then the halter accentuated my breasts, the one part of me that I didn’t mind was larger. I’d have thought Brayden would have liked my fuller breasts too, but I’m not sure he noticed.
Because I still had my bra on and the straps were showing, I unclasped it so I could see the dress on me without the support or the showing straps.
For the first time in a long time, I saw the potential of pretty in me.
“So, how is it?” Emma asked from outside the dressing area.
“I’m going to buy it.”
“Great. And have Brayden take you out?”
“I’ll try.”
“You know I’m an excellent babysitter.”
I laughed, unhooking the halter back. As I leaned over to push the dress down to step out, I caught myself in the mirror. My breasts were hanging forward, but one had a strange mark on the outer side of it.
Frowning, I stood to get a closer look in the mirror. It was like the skin was puckered. In that moment, I felt my entire world shift. Fear and dread immobilized me. It had been awhile since I’d done a breast exam. I didn’t want to do it now. I closed my eyes, lifting my arm over my head and using my other hand to check the breast. As my fingers pressed against an immovable hard mass about the size of a grape, my legs went weak. I sank down onto the bench as my breath started coming in fast and erratic.
“You okay in there?” Emma asked. “The troops are getting restless.”
I had no idea how long I’d been sitting there in a panic, but I needed to get myself together. “Yeah. Just a minute.”
I went numb, and by rote, put my clothes back on. As I left the dressing room, I put the dress back on the rack.
“I thought you were going to buy that,” Emma said, watching me with concerned eyes.
“Changed my mind.” I took Lanie’s hand. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s go home.”
I arrived home, knowing Brayden was there because his car was in the garage. But the house was quiet.
“Why don’t you put your new things away,” I said to Lanie.
She trotted up the hall as I went to Noah’s room. Peaking in, I saw Brayden and Noah sound asleep in Noah’s bed.
For a moment I watched them, as a wave of love and then sadness came over me. I looked away, noticing a new item in Noah’s room. A small fish tank.
“Oh, hey,” Brayden gave me a lazy smile that made me think of when I met and fallen head over heels for him. He quietly scooted off of Noah’s bed. “Did you girls have fun?”
“Lanie got new shoes.”
“And you?”
I looked up at him, wondering when he’d taken such an interest in me. “No.”
He sighed. “We need to talk, Terra.”
My heart stalled in my chest. Was this where he told me he was leaving? That he and his secretary were moving in together? Would he change his mind if I told him about the lump in my breast?
“I’m really tired, Brayden. Can it wait? I’ve got to get Lanie settled and it looks like I’ll have a new chore.” I nodded toward the fish tank.