“I work for you. For all of you.”
“Not just for us, Brayden. You work because you want to. Don’t put that on us.”
He sighed and turned away. “We go around and around on this. Each time, the end result is the same.”
At least we could agree on that.
“When did we lose it?” He said it so low that I wasn’t sure that he was really asking me or just talking to himself.
I answered anyway. “I think it was a slow process that got away from us before we knew it.”
He gave a short nod. “And it’s too far gone to save.”
“Is it?” For some reason, his words made my heart clench, like I was on the verge of losing him, which was ridiculous since that thought had been there for some time.
“You’re the one talking to a lawyer.” He moved passed me to the sink, rinsing his cup, and putting it in the dishwasher.
“I was feeling—” I wasn’t sure what to say. If it weren’t for my cancer diagnosis would I still be pursuing divorce?
He stopped near me as he headed out of the kitchen. “Let me know when you make up your mind.”
Irritation gripped me. “About?”
“About whether you want me still or not.” He started out.
“What about you? Do you still want me?”
He stopped, but didn’t turn to look at me. “I’ve never stopped.” Then he continued on presumably going to our room to get dressed.
“I never stopped either,” I said softly as I wiped a tear. How could it happen that we still loved each other but couldn’t get our shit together? Was it just that we wanted what we had before and that was gone? We weren’t the same people as when we married, so of course, things wouldn’t be the same.
I didn’t have a lot of time to think on it as Lanie skipped into the kitchen. “Daddy says I can get a shrimp.”
“Did he?”
“I wonder when we can get it?”
“You’ll have to ask him. What do you want for breakfast? How about peanut butter toast.” I worked to get my emotions under control so she wouldn’t see how torn up I was.
“’kay.”
I made toast and when Noah was up, he got a chocolate smoothie. Brayden returned to the kitchen, dressed in his suit, ready to seize the day. I studied him, and found I couldn’t blame his secretary for banging him if that’s what was going on. He was still handsome. Life hadn’t run him haggard like it had me.
“I’ve gotta run,” he said, giving Noah a kiss on the head.
“When can we get shrimp?” Lanie asked as he kissed her too.
His gaze glanced at me, probably wondering about my opinion. Why he cared now after telling the kids he’d get them shrimp, I didn’t know. “We’ll check it out this weekend, okay?”
“Okay. Bye daddy,” Lanie gave him a kiss, leaving a bit of peanut butter on his cheek.
“Brayden?”
He stopped and I went to him, using my finger to wipe off the sticky nut butter on his cheek. He flinched at my touch, and looked at me in surprise. His cheek was warm and soft from his shave. I looked into his eyes, as emotion filled me at how much we had lost.
His gaze drifted down to my lips, and I wondered if he wanted to kiss me. I wished he would. It had been so long.
“Mommy, Noah is blowing bubbles in his breakfast.” Lanie’s voice broke the spell.