Her eyes closed for a second. She stopped and looked out over the water. “It’s stage three. I’m scheduled to start chemo next week to shrink the tumor.”
“No surgery?” It seemed to me cutting the thing out was a better option.
“After the chemo. My doctor is trying to save the breast, I guess.”
I took her hand and brought it over my heart. “So, it’s treatable?”
She nodded, but it didn’t seem like she believed it. “He says he feels good about the prognosis…”
“But you don’t?” That could explain some of her behavior.
“My mother died of cancer, after a lot of treatment. It doesn’t always work.”
My heart lurched to my throat as fear gripped me. But she was the one suffering the disease, not me. It was my job to be strong. So, I pushed my fear down.
I put my arms around her. “You’ll fight and win, Terra.”
She looked down. “I’ll need you and Emma to help. I know you’ve got a lot going on at work—”
“Fuck work,” I said. I dropped my forehead to rest against hers. “I know I’ve been a bad husband—”
“Not bad—”
“But I love you Terra. That hasn’t changed.”
“Cancer changes everything.”
I lifted my head. “You think I’m making an effort because of this?” That annoyed me a little bit. Sure, the urgency of our situation had picked up, but I’d been making an effort before this. “I’ve been trying to reach you even before this, but you’re resistant.”
She looked down again.
“Is the cancer why you decided not to divorce me?” Duel emotions of anger and hurt worked their way through my gut at this idea, but I pushed them away. Now wasn’t the time to get into a fight.
She hesitated, and I realized she was further away from me emotionally than I’d thought. I stepped back, releasing her.
“I’ll be here for you, no matter what—”
“Brayden. I didn’t want a divorce. Not really. I thought we were too far gone and—”
“And that I was fucking my administrative assistant.” Another shot of anger coursed through me.
“I thought it was possible.”
A part of me wanted to lash out at her for not trusting me, but considering the state of our marriage, I supposed it wasn’t so off the mark.
“I know things haven’t been great between us, but you have to know that I’d never cheat. I’ve never lied to you, Terra. Never.”
She finally looked up at me, into my eyes. “I’m sorry I doubted.”
“Are you just saying that because you need me?” I regretted those words, and yet I needed to know. Was she just relegating me to being a support person or did she still love me?
“I do need you, Brayden, but not just because of the cancer. I’ve always needed you. I suppose in some ways that was the problem because you didn’t need me. You were gone so much.”
Fuck. “I’m going to change that. I’ve been trying to change that, but I’m not sure you want to change.”
“I do, but maybe it would be easier to wait until we know I’ll be better.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”