“It won’t be so hard for you to lose me if we keep some distance.”
I stared at her like she’d gone mad. Because she had. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. First, I don’t plan to lose you and I hope to hell you plan to fight. Second, losing you would undo me whether it was two weeks ago when I barely talked to you or right now.” I put my hand over my heart. I studied her for a moment. “Would it be easier for you to lose me or leave me if you kept your distance?”
“No.”
“Then why do you think it would be for me?”
She shrugged and I realized that my working a lot had given her the impression that I didn’t care about her anymore.
“Let me prove to you that you’re still my center,” I said to her. “Open up enough to let me show you that.”
She sniffed and I noticed a tear falling down her face.
I wiped it away. “Let me take you on a date.”
She gave me a small smile. “Okay.”
During the drive to the restaurant, Terra explained her cancer and treatment plan to me, and I made a mental note to redo my work schedule. She also said she felt the need to get her ducks in order, which I wanted to scoff at because the only outcome for me was that she’d beat this disease. But I held my tongue knowing it would give her some peace to know the kids would be taken care of.
Once at the restaurant though, we didn’t talk about the cancer. We agreed to have a normal date. I told her about the cloud security project. She asked me questions about it, something she hadn’t done about my work in a while.
We also talked about the kids, and how lately Noah seemed to be coming out of his shell.
“When my treatment is done, I want to sign him up for karate,” she said. “I’d do it now, but I’m afraid it will be hard to add something new to an already busy schedule.”
“Let’s sign him up now. I’ll rearrange my schedule to get him there. Plus, if we pull him from soccer, which he hates anyway, that’s eliminating the extra.”
“I don’t want this to impact your life or the kids.”
“Terra, it’s okay that your needs impact us. Don’t worry about that. Your only focus now should be getting healthy. And falling in love with me again.” I smiled, hoping she saw my comment as levity.
“I can’t do what I’ve already done.”
For the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe she was taking a step toward me, instead of away.
When we got home, the kids were in bed. I helped Emma get Nina to her car and thanked her for babysitting. When I got back inside, Terra was coming out of Noah’s room. I took that as a good sign that she wasn’t lying down with him.
“The kids are sleeping. I think Emma and Nina wore them out,” she said as she walked to our room.
The minute she was in the door, I closed it behind us and pulled her to me. “I want to make love to you.”
In the past, I’d just put on the moves to have sex, but it had been so long and there was so much going on, I felt the need to tell her.
She pulled back. “I’m not as attractive—”
“You are.”
She went to her dresser, taking off her jewelry. I stepped up behind her, putting my hand on her stomach as I pulled her back against me so she could feel my erection.
Her gaze lifted to the mirror as she looked at me through the reflection.
“See. You turn me on.”
“There’s more to me—”
“I know.” I waggled my eyebrows at her through the reflection. My hands slid over her hips. “I’ve got a better grip here.” I leaned over and kissed her shoulder as my hands traveled over her belly and then higher. I wanted to cup her breasts and tell her how much I liked the fuller size, but stopped as I remembered her cancer. Were they tender? Was she worried about losing them?
Her hands rested on mine. “You don’t want to touch my breasts.”