“Will daddy marry Emma?” Lanie asked.
This time, I found the question funny. It was a logical one in her young mind. She didn’t know about grown up love and relationships.
“I don’t think so. But that’s not something to worry about now. I plan on being around for a long, long time.”
Both kids sat in heavy silence and I felt bad for ruining their day. “Listen. We’re here to have fun.”
Lanie put her ice cream down and then threw her arms around me. “I don’t want you to be sick mommy.”
I wanted to burst into tears, but somehow managed to keep it together. “I don’t want to either, baby. But I’m fighting.”
Noah’s little arms came around me too.
“I love you both so much,” I said. “Don’t ever forget that, okay?”
“’kay,” they both said.
We played and laughed, and I savored every moment of it. I hoped that if things went bad for me that I’d always be able to remember this day.
I was exhausted when we got home. I texted Brayden to see when he’d be home, which I hope he took to be a cue that it was safe for him to return. Not that I wasn’t going to give him a piece of my mind at some point, but I was calm from the anger I had for him this afternoon.
Finishing up at office. Will be late, but this will be the last time. I promise.
I tossed my phone on the counter, wondering
why I always let him get to me. Of course, he was at the office. Of course, he’d be late. And like always, he said it would change. But it never did. If he wasn’t going to change after missing an important appointment today, he wasn’t ever going to change. It was time to accept that.
“How about we order pizza?” I asked the kids. I was too tired to cook.
“Extra cheese, please,” Lanie called from where she and Noah were watching TV.
“And anchovies?” I joked.
“Ewww,” came from the both of them.
My phone rang, and looking at the screen I saw it was Brayden. It was immature, but I hit the “Ignore” button on my phone.
“How about we camp out?” I called to the kids.
“Camp?” Lanie asked.
“We’ll put a tent up in the living room and pretend we’re camping. I’ll even make us some s’mores.” Of course, I’d microwave them instead of roasting marshmallows over a fire, but still, chocolate, marshmallow, and graham crackers were a treat however they were made.
“Yay!”
“Can I help with s’mores?” Noah asked.
“You both can.”
My phone dinged with a text notification.
I know I’m giving you the same line, Terra. I promise you; it will be different after tonight. I love you. I hope you believe me.
I believed he loved me. I didn’t believe things would be different after tonight. I left the phone on the counter. His phone would let him know his text was opened. My lack of response would tell him what I thought about his vows to change.
“I’ll order the pizza and then get the tent from the garage. You kids go round up some pillows and blankets.” I grabbed the landline phone to order the pizza.
An hour later, we were inside the tent with our pizza and s’mores, surrounded by pillows, stuffed animals and baby dolls.