“Do you know where he went?”
She shook her head.
I stood for a moment while she went back to help Dr. Balding, trying to determine where Nick might go. I checked the staff lounge, but he wasn’t there. Deciding he might like fresh air, I headed out to the side patio. He was standing with his back to the building and his hands on his hips, taking in deep breaths.
“Nick?”
He whipped around like I’d invaded his space. “What do you need?” His voice was annoyed.
Something was wrong. Had the patient’s comment rattled him that much? “I need to know you’re all right before you go back and work on anyone.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “You and ole bubba seem to think I killed Ms. Mason.”
“I never said that.” I moved to him as a friend, not the hospital lawyer. I reached to put my hand on his arm.
He pulled away. “You gonna fuck me again to make me feel better?”
I jerked back, feeling his comment like a slap. “Why are you being an asshole?”
He closed his eyes as if he knew he was being a jerk. “Sorry. Did you need me for something?”
I huffed out a breath, trying to keep from getting too annoyed. This couldn’t be easy for him, and what I came to talk to him about was only going to make it worse. “I want to know why the tests on Ms. Mason weren’t done.”
At first, he just stared at me. “How the fuck do I know? I ordered them. Is Dick or the board trying to pin this on me?”
“No one is blaming you, Nick.”
He scoffed. “That’s not true. Goldrush Lake is blaming me. That dickwad who probably has a urinary tract infection is blaming me. Hell, I’m blaming me, although I can’t figure out why. I keep going through it and can’t figure out what went wrong.” He turned away. “I shouldn’t be saying that to you. I keep forgetting how much you can fuck me over … legally, not literally.”
I hated that he saw me like that, but he wasn’t wrong. My fiduciary responsibility was to the hospital. Dick had already made statements that suggested he’d toss Nick under the bus if necessary.
“Chances are nothing went wrong, Nick, except that Ms. Mason didn’t come in soon enough.” I wanted to alleviate his torment over her death, even though the unanswered questions were driving his unease. I didn’t have answers to them yet.
“There’s no way to know that for sure.”
“Even if the tests were done, the time to run them and analyze them, it would have been too late,” I said.
“Had I stayed with her, I might have figured it out sooner and started treatment.” He shook his head. “Jesus, I must want to be fired.”
“No one is talking about firing you, Nick. But we have to figure out what happened and if there’s something that could have been done differently, make adjustments.”
He took in a breath and then started back to the building. “I’ve got a kid who probably has an appendicitis. Hopefully those tests have been done.”
I reached out to him as he passed me. “Nick.”
He stopped and looked at my hand on his arm, before turning his gaze on my face. “I don’t believe this was your fault. You’re a good doctor.”
For a moment, I thought my words might have helped him, but then his blue eyes turned flat. “Maybe not good enough.”
I watched as he returned inside and I hoped that this would pass. Not that he’d forget or become indifferent to death, but that the pain and guilt would wane enough to ease his conscious.
Back in my office, Dick stopped by as I was finishing up my notes on some new HR proposals.
“Any updates on Ms. Mason?”
“Nothing significant.”
“Dr. Foster stick to his story?”