“Ms. Mason’s death has been hard on you. I’ve been through the reports. You acted just as any other doctor would have.”
“She’s dead, Mia.”
She sighed. “Can I come in?”
I opened the door. “Want a drink?” I held up my glass. “It’s dinner tonight.”
“Sure.” She sat on the couch while I went to the kitchen.
“What do you want in your vodka? I’ve got tonic, OJ, and cola.”
“What are you having?”
“Straight.” The goal was to get drunk.
“Tonic.”
I mixed her the drink and brought it to her, sitting next to her on the couch. Not long ago, we were here and she’d let me get lost in her body. I wondered if she’d let me do it again. Not that it would help. Chances were, I wouldn’t be able to keep a hardon anyway.
“So, did Dick send you over to get my confession?”
She turned her body to face me. “I’m here as a friend, Nick. Not for the hospital or Dick. For you.”
I looked down into my drink, feeling like an asshole.
“What’s going on? Peggy says you seem anxious at work.”
I looked to Mia. “I’m not sure you’re the right person for me to talk to.”
Hurt flashed in her eyes. “I’m your friend, Nick.”
“You’re also in a position to use what I say against me to protect the hospital.”
She nodded, and I was glad that she understood. “Have you considered talking to someone else about all this?”
I scoffed. “Talking won’t fix what’s ailing me.”
“You might have PTSD. You should talk to someone.”
“PTSD? No.” I knew some doctors had it, but compared to them, their work environments were much more stressful than mine.
“It’s under reported among doctors. Especially emergency room doctors, where there is a higher incidence.”
I took a gulp of my drink. I knew I was weak, but I didn’t want to air it out to the world. That would make it too real. “I can see it in big city hospitals. I was once nearly stabbed and another time shot, plus the volume of patients. But here?” I shook my head.
“You were once nearly stabbed and shot? When?” Her pretty blue eyes shone with concern.
“During my residency.”
“You never told me that.” Now she looked incensed. Perhaps because at the time, she and I were together.
I shrugged. “I didn’t want to worry you. I was a young invincible man.” Who’d been scared of his wits. My pride hadn’t let me share just what those incidents had done to me.
“Stress can build up. You keep pushing all this down and it builds until you can’t hardly function.”
I glared at her. “My work has been spot on.”
“No one is complaining about your work right now. What Peggy sees is a man who is doubting himself.”