“Do you really think the EMR is the problem?” she asked.
“Don’t know.” I put my hands behind my head, wishing she’d undress and get in bed next to me.
“Regardless Nick, you really should see someone. Nightmares are a part of PTSD.”
“They’ll stop. They always eventually do.” I winced, realizing I’d revealed more than I’d wanted.
“What about work? People feel like you’re hesitating. Not as decisive as you used to be. Nervous, even.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Checking up on me at work, Mia? Is that your job now? Making sure Dr. Foster doesn’t fuck up again?” Jesus, I think I just suggested that I thought I fucked up.
“It’s my job to make sure the hospital doesn’t have any legal problems.”
“Except the one where the lawyer is sleeping with the doctor.” Jesus fucking Christ, I was a masochist. Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut?
Her eyes narrowed. “Why are we doing this, Nick?” she asked slipping her shoes on.
“Doing what?”
“Having sex.”
“We’re not. Not anymore. It’s out of my system. How about you?” Clearly, I’d lost my mind. My pride had taken over and it was going to ruin the one positive thing in my life at the moment.
She flinched and I hated myself for being an asshole. Her chin lifted. “You’re right. Eli will be so pleased.”
Fuck, she could hit back just as ruthlessly. I turned over, putting my back to her. Each step she took up the hallway, I wanted to jump out of bed and stop her. I had this feeling like something good was walking out of my life. At the same time, I felt like I deserved it. There was no reason I should be happy when I was fucked up emotionally. Besides, us being together broke the rules. The only way this thing could end was us being apart. Better now than in the future, when it might hurt like it had the night she left four years ago.
The front door shut, the garage door opened, and her car started. I lay like a lump, wondering what the hell had happened. The good news was that I wouldn’t have nightmares because I couldn’t sleep.
Fuck. I leapt from bed and sprinted up the hall and out the front door. “Mia!” She was backing up to my side drive to turn around.
She stopped, looking at me over the steering wheel. I saw wariness in her eyes as I approached the car.
“I’m sorry,” I said through her open window. “I’m an asshole.”
“This is a mistake, Nick. We should just cut our losses.”
I needed to touch her, so I opened her car door. “Don’t go. Not like this.”
She didn’t take the hint. She sat in the idling car gripping the steering wheel. “What you need, I can’t give you. I wish I could. I really want to, but I can’t. Sex isn’t the cure any more than drinking or a sleeping pill is.”
I wondered if she was going to use any of this against me at work. “Right now, in the middle of the night in the woods, you’re all I’ve got. Please. Stay. Like we said. Just one night. Give me that.”
She sat looking out her windshield. I held my breath as I waited for her to process her options, crossing my fingers she’d stay. Finally, she turned off her car. I let out my breath.
When she stepped out of the car, I pulled her to me. “I’m sorry, Mia. This has been hard, but it always is after losing a patient. I’ll work through it and then I won’t be such an asshole.”
“Regardless, we can’t continue like this Nick. I should be leaving. This is a risk to my career.”
“I know. I’m a selfish bastard to ask you to stay.” I cocked my head, and then grinned, wanting to change the mood. “I’m also charming and know how to make you come hard. That must be why you’re staying.”
She pursed her lips and shook her head. “I’ll give you the Os, but not the charming.”
I laughed. “You’ll give me the Os, huh? Well then,” I held out my hand toward the front door to show her the way. “Perhaps we could both give some Os. One last hurrah.”
I spent the next hour, doing all I could to make up for being a jerk, and give her as many Os as possible. When we finally finished, I was exhausted physically and emotionally, and for once slept through the dreams.
16