“No, but your father needed him. He didn’t want or need additional stress.”
“That’s just so wrong.”
“It is what it is.”
I studied Nick, taking in each gorgeous feature of his face. “So, what do you and my dad do?”
Nick laughed. “Mostly he kicks my ass in chess.”
“He must love that.”
“I enjoy it too.”
“You said earlier my mother asked you to look after him. Was that when she was in her accident?”
His expression suggested that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go into the day my mother died. “Yes.”
“I want to know, Nick. I want to know how you were there for her like you’re there for my father now.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he seemed resigned. “We knew fairly quickly that her internal injuries were severe. Even so, we got her ready for surgery because miracles happen sometimes, you know.”
I nodded.
“But she knew too. She actually asked to not do the surgery and instead for us to keep her comfortable until Eli and your dad could arrive. She asked me to call you. She wanted to say goodbye. It’s my fault that that didn’t happen, Mia. I’m sorry.”
My brows furrowed as I tried to figure out what he meant.
He let out a breath. “I convinced her to have the surgery. She’d die for sure without it, and with it, there was a chance, even if it was tiny, that it could work. But we couldn’t wait for your dad and Eli.”
He closed his eyes again and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes, he said, “I’m not responsible for her death, as Eli says, but I am responsible for his not being able to tell her goodbye. Or Jim or you. I’m so sorry, Mia. So, fucking sorry.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, don’t be sorry.” I took his face in my hands and gave him a shake. “You tried to give her a chance to live.”
He shook his head. “It would have been a miracle—”
“And sometimes miracles happen. It didn’t this time, but that’s not your fault.”
Nick used his thumb to wipe tears I didn’t know I was crying. “Sometimes I feel so fucking inept.”
“I’m sorry. But I bet she knew you did everything you could.”
“She gave me a list of instructions,” he said on a sad laugh.
“Oh?”
“One was to look out for Jim, but Mia, you have to know, I care about your dad. My visits with him aren’t because I made a promise.”
“I know. What else did she tell you to do.”
He hesitated. “I haven’t managed any of them.”
“Oh? Why?”
“One was to make up with Eli. I tried, but, well …”
“Wh
at were the others?”