“No. I want to hear your voice,” I said, tucking the phone under my ear as I lay on my side.
“I was needing to hear your voice.” He sounded so tired. “Tell me something good, Petal.”
“Maya and I made orange colored cupcakes with sprinkles today.”
“Do orange and sprinkles go together?” he asked.
“We got a sherbet level of orange color so it wasn’t too bad. Are you okay?”
“Tell me something else.”
I got the hint that he didn’t want to talk about him or his situation.
“I’ve made interview appointments to hire help.”
“I didn’t realize you were doing that.”
“I need a social life.” I yawned. “To do that I need to have some time off.”
“I see.” There was something about his voice that sounded off. “I should let you go. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“It’s okay. I’m awake—”
“Good
night Petal.”
The phone went dead. I frowned as I wondered what happened. He seemed to have shut down when I talked about a social life. Was he worried I was trying to get more from him than friends with benefits by making more time for myself? Was that what I was doing? Was my attempt to be available as his friend really a desire to grow the relationship into more?
I set my phone aside. “Petal, you’re going to ruin everything,” I warned myself. Cy had been clear that he couldn’t give me more. Plus, he was going to be gone a lot. If he asked me to wait for him, I would. But he was clear that we were just friends. I had to accept that. It was time for me to check my dating profile and finally take the next step in seeing someone.
21
Cyrus
I was a selfish asshole to call Petal so late on Saturday. I just couldn’t get to sleep without hearing her voice. After the call, I couldn’t sleep because I was pissed off that she was trying to make time for a “social life” aka dating. The idea of another man touching her made me see red. Was she really going to see someone else while she was fucking me?
Except I had no claim to her. Our relationship was friends with benefits, with an emphasis on being friends. I was the one to highlight that factor because I didn’t want to lose her as a friend. Kicking the ass of her dates would probably cause a problem in our friendship.
Fuck!
I woke Sunday morning in a surly mood.
“Are you and Lora fighting again,” my mother asked. She was upright now, sitting in the recliner as I served her some oatmeal for breakfast.
“No. Why?”
“You’re being grumpy. I’ve probably put a damper on your relationship.”
“I’m not in a relationship with Lora,” I snapped.
My mother flinched and I felt like shit.
“I’m sorry, mom.” I held my hands up in surrender and took a breath. “She and I are friends…” So were me and Petal, and yet it felt so different. “I know you want us to be together but that’s not happening.”
“I see. You can’t forgive her?”
I sighed and sat down on the couch. “It’s not that, mom. It’s that my feelings are different. I don’t love her like that anymore. I’m grateful to her for being her for both of us, but I’m not attracted to her.”