“I’ll get over it. Just…give me some space. I’ll be able to pull this off.”
She watched me for a moment, and I got the feeling she was torn about something. For a moment, I wondered if she was going to change her mind. But that was my stupid wishful heart talking. That was what got me into trouble in the first place.
“It’s okay, really. You were clear with me and I’m the one that blurred the boundaries. I promise I won’t let this fuck your library deal.” I managed a smile so she’d feel like I wasn’t her enemy.
“Thank you, Tucker.”
I could only nod and look down into my book, which I realized too late was upside down. But then she’d shut my door. And that was it, I thought That door shutting symbolized the end of my chance with her.
26
Holly
I remembered thinking Rick had been a selfish asshole for leaving me without explanation. If he didn’t want to get married, he should have talked to me. His running away on the day of the wedding left me feeling humiliated and worthless.
As I reflected over my interactions with Tucker, I realized I was as bad as Rick. Tucker had been nothing but kind and helpful, and I’d hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt him. When he confessed his feelings, I wanted to accept all that he was offering me. But in that moment, my fears overtook my heart’s desire and I’d cruelly dismissed his feelings. I really was a bitch and I hated myself for it.
I’d fully expected him to pack up and leave that night after Rick had shown up. I’d have left in his situation. And yet, he stayed. Not for me, but for the library, for the kids. He was clearly a better person than I was. It was more proof that I didn’t deserve him.
The next few days were tense. Mostly he stayed out of my way. He cooked, but didn’t eat with me. For the most part, he stayed in his room or was out with Brooke or doing something else. So many times, I wanted to take back my words, and yet, this situation was what I’d wanted all the long. It made me think of the saying, “Be careful what you wish for.” I’d gotten my wish and I was miserable.
The night of Meredith’s party, I dressed in a classic party dress. Tucker came out of his room in a suit, and once again, my heart simultaneously rolled and split in my chest. He looked so handsome, and yet the gleam in his eyes was gone.
“Want me to drive? She’ll probably expect that,” he said, fiddling with his tie to get it straight. I wanted to help him with it, but knew I couldn’t.
“Sure. Thanks.”
We drove in silence and I wondered if we were going to be able to pull off being a happily married couple.
As we pulled up to the house, Tucker’s eyes were wide at the size of it. He gave a small whistle. “That’s a lot of house for one woman.”
A valet was there to help us out and park the car.
“I never knew there was so much money out here,” Tucker said as we stood on the steps of the house.
“Meredith and Stark have the bulk of it. But both are also well connected. There will be lots of powerful people here, some who might help with the library.”
He held out his arm, and I slipped my hand through, kicking myself for the umpteenth time that his gesture wasn’t real. It was fake. It was fake because I insisted that it be.
“Have you ever been to one of these shindigs?” he asked as we walked up the steps.
“No.” Nerves crept over my skin as I worried about standing out in a bad way. Was m
y dress nice enough? I’m sure the gift I got her, a glass paperweight, was the least expensive she’d get. It would probably be tossed or donated to one of the charity shops.
“Ready?” He looked down at me.
I mustered a smile. “I hope so.”
He patted my hand that was hooked on his arm. “You’ll be fine.”
I marveled at how kind he was considering how I’d treated him.
We were ushered in by a woman who worked for Meredith. She took our gift to put somewhere else, and then led us to a large room near the back of the house.
“It’s a ballroom.” Tucker’s voice was in awe. “I thought that was just in movies.”
“Tucker, Holly, so good of you to come,” Meredith greeted us.