“Fuck it, Holly. I’ll ask Brooke to get it.” He pulled to the curb, jerking the car to a stop. His face stayed forward and his jaw tight.
A part of me knew I was being a bitch, but I couldn’t think about him. Not when my entire life was in tatters.
I got out of the car and shut the door.
He was driving away even before I heard the door click shut. Inconceivably, my heart sank as he disappeared. It didn’t make sense. And yet, I knew he was gone. Forever. It was the final straw. I was alone. Humiliated. My worst fears were realized.
Once again, the statement came back to me…be careful what you wish for. I wanted Tucker gone and now he was. At one time, I wanted Rick back, and here he was. The only thing I didn’t have was the library project. I’d essentially sold my self-respect to get it, and I’d failed.
I deserved all this humiliation, I realized as I went into my house. I knew it was wrong to lie to Meredith. I knew it was wrong to give into my need for Tucker when I couldn’t give all of myself to him. And now, I’d have to pay the price for my deception and my cruelty.
I started to pour myself some wine, but then just took the bottle. I’d wallow in my self-made misery on the couch. I’d give myself one night and then tomorrow, I’d figure out what I was going to do. I’d have the weekend to hide and sort myself out.
At the knock on the door, I was up in a flash, ready to apologize to Tucker and have that talk he said we needed to have.
I jerked the door open. My heart sank. “Rick.” I wanted to slam the door in his face.
“Before you kick me out, please listen.”
“You have nothing to say that I want to hear,” I said, starting to close the door.
“Please. I know I don’t deserve it, but please. First, I’m sorry about what happened at Mrs. Reynolds. To be honest, I thought I was helping you.”
“Oh please.” I rolled my eyes.
“I thought that man was taking advantage of you. Leading you on. Making you think he loved you—”
“Because no one could ever really love me, right.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “No. That’s not what I’m saying. I loved you. I do love you. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I came back.”
“I don’t believe you.” Tucker was right. There was something fishy about Rick being with Stark.
“I know I messed things up for you. I was thinking...we could go to Omaha together. Leave this small-minded town. You’ve done so much for it, and how does it repay you? Let me make things up to you by taking you away.”
The going away part sounded appealing. Going with him, didn’t.
“I’m not making any decisions right now. Tonight, I’m going to lick my wounds and—”
“Let me stay with you. Let me support and comfort you. Please. It’s the least I can do.” He stepped inside my house.
“I don’t want your pity.” Too tired to fight, I went back to the couch and picked up my wine.
“It’s not pity, Holly.” He went to the kitchen and got a glass. He reached for my bottle but I pulled it close.
“Get your own.”
He laughed. “I like this new spirit in you.”
I didn’t respond as he went to the kitchen and got another bottle of wine, pouring himself a glass.
“I’m sorry if your fake man hurt you,” he said. “He was quite crude.”
“Don’t go there, Rick.”
He shrugged as he sat down. “I just…he seems young. A man who was more interested in satisfying his baser instincts. You deserve someone more intellectual.”
If only he knew about my baser instincts.