“I can’t tell you how sick I still feel at not knowing Sinclair had been pregnant. I know it’s my own damn fault, but when I think of how much I missed…” He swore under his breath. “It kills me. I don’t want that for you, Ryder. You might have an easy way of going through life, but I have no doubt you’d crawl over broken glass for your child.”
He was right about that. “I guess I need to show Trina that. I think I’ll take you up on the offer of helping me with the house.” That would be a start at least. I knew it wouldn’t be enough though. Maybe Trina was right in that my financial situation wasn’t as stable as it should be, especially if Stark was planning to buy the Salvation Station. The idea of him being my boss wasn’t something I could bear. And there weren’t other good job prospects for me in town.
Maybe it was time to talk to Mr. Coffey again about buying in so I’d be part owner. But I didn’t have the money saved yet.
Stark’s offer for me to play a gig for him popped into my head. I could do the gig and use the money to buy into the restaurant and hopefully keep Stark out. I immediately dismissed that thought. I couldn’t play for him no matter what. Not after what he’d done to Sinclair and Wyatt.
My options rattled around in my brain as I helped Wyatt with the fence and then we rode back. At the barn, Alyssa ran up to greet us as we dismounted.
“Daddy I want to ride.”
“Hey pumpkin, when did you get home?”
“Grandma Simms dropped me off a few minutes ago. Hi Uncle Ryder.”
“Hey sweetie, how are you?” I’d been with Sinclair all through her pregnancy and as she raised Alyssa as a single mom. Granted, I hadn’t been a 24/7 parent, but I’d spent enough time to know I had what it took to care for a baby and child. I couldn’t take credit for Alyssa being such a great kid. That was mos
tly on Sinclair, but I’d helped.
“Good.” She looked at Wyatt with such love and adulation. I wondered if my child would look at me that way. “Can I ride, daddy?”
“Go saddle up Lilibud,” Wyatt said with the same love in his eyes.
I realized that this was what I wanted. A family. A wife I could love and a child to spoil. But I didn’t want just any wife. As crazy it was, I wanted Trina. Yes, she was difficult, but I liked her fire and spirit. I like how when she wasn’t busy keeping the world in order or away, she’d open up to me. If she could ever trust me, we could be happy. I might be carefree in life, but I was solid and steadfast. If she could look past her perceived notions of me and really see me, she’d know that she didn’t need to feel alone in the world. She could rely on me. I just needed to figure out how to make her see that life with me wouldn’t be chaotic and unpredictable like it had been for her growing up.
My last plan hadn’t worked fully, but we’d had a glimpse of how we could be together. I just needed a new plan now to get us across the finish line.
22
Trina
I’d have liked to say that pregnancy put me in a foul mood, but I knew it wasn’t true. No one else would buy it either. I had the ability to be irritatingly grumpy even without hormones raging in my body. I was antsy, uncomfortable, and scared to death due to my life being in a complete upheaval. I imagined Ryder didn’t feel any of those things, which annoyed me even more. Did anything ever get that man going?
At one time, my work was the one place where I could be stern, direct, and sometimes bossy, and feel confident, but that had been waning as well. Now when I tried to give a direction or provide my opinion, I felt dismissed.
Today, I couldn’t find the information I needed to put together the agenda and report for the upcoming public works meeting for Sinclair. I was reviewing my emails to see if I missed something about it when Brooke came up to my desk.
“Trina, would you mind going over this agenda and report the mayor asked me to put together for him?” Brooke set a folder on my desk.
I wasn’t in the mood and didn’t have the time, but I’d vowed that morning to try and be more civil to Brooke. It was a vow I’d made every morning for the last week. For the most part, I thought I was failing.
I opened the folder and my brain about exploded. My gaze shot to hers. “What is this?” I demanded.
Before, when I’d use that tone, her eyes would widen and she’d shift uncomfortably. Now, she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin like she was ready for whatever I’d deliver. I’d admire this change in her if I didn’t dislike her so much.
“It’s for the upcoming public works meeting for the deputy mayor,” she said tersely.
“That’s my job.” Did the mayor really give away another of my jobs?
“The mayor has felt like you’ve been distracted lately, and of course with the baby, he wants to relieve you of too much stress. So, he asked me to do it. It would give me experience while taking a little off your plate. Win-win.”
It didn’t feel like winning. It felt like another ploy to slowly hand over my job to his kid. “I don’t need items off my plate.” I ground out. At least I wasn’t yelling. “I need my job. I know you’re trying to take it from me—”
“I am not. I’m just doing what the mayor asks.”
I stood, my hands fisting at my sides. “I’m about to become a single mom. That last thing I need is for some silly child trying to take my job.”
Brooke stiffened. “And I don’t need a hostile workplace.”