“No, you don’t. I have the resignation paperwork if you want it.” In the back of my mind, I knew I was treading on thin ice. She was close to the mayor. Chances were, I’d be the one forced to leave.
She shook her head and turned to leave.
I sank into my chair as all the air left my body. I was exhausted. Worse, I was sure I’d overreacted but hadn’t been able to control it. Even at my worst before, I’d usually been able to hold on to some semblance of control, but now I felt completely unstable.
Inside, I was a kid again, wondering what was going to happen to me now that my mother was gone and my father couldn’t seem to cope with life. Now I was the one not coping. I pressed my hand over my belly as a new terror struck me; what if I was as bad of a parent as mine had been? This baby’s back up was Ryder, who while sweet and well-meaning, didn’t have his life all together either.
I rose and went to Sinclair’s office wondering if she’d see me. She was busy with her work, plus planning for her run for mayor. She had Wyatt and Alyssa. Plus, a supportive family. She didn’t need my drama. But she was all I had.
I knocked on her door. “You got a minute?”
She looked up at me. Her eyes were wary, a sure sign she was still mad at me for what I’d said about Ryder. Of course, it had been days since I walked away and he hadn’t once contacted me. I could understand that he wouldn’t want to see me, but we had a baby to think about. It was a reminder that I couldn’t count on him. I couldn’t count on anyone. Maybe not even Sinclair.
She inhaled a breath as if to calm herself. “What’s up?”
I came in and sat in the chair by her desk. “Do you think the quality of my work has fallen?”
“No.” She frowned and leaned forward.
“Am I distracted?”
She shrugged. “Maybe a little. Sometimes.”
I swallowed back tears, cursing the hormones making me emotional.
“For example, I don’t have the agenda or report for the public works meeting. You usually have that to me by now.”
“You’ll have to talk to Brooke.” I sat back, feeling completely defeated.
“What?”
“The mayor gave her the job. And to rub it in my face that he’d handed over another one of my duties without telling me, she came to ask me to check her work. Bitch.”
Sinclair flinched. “I’m sure there was a good reason.”
I glared at her. “Yes, he’s handing my job to his new infatuation. Why can’t you see this? Sinclair, he doesn’t tell me anything anymore. When he makes appointments. What work he’s handing off…nothing. I’m invisible to him.”
She gave a nod. “That is wrong. I’ll talk to him about that. But as good as you are, there’s no doubt we needed more help, and let’s face it, the public works agenda and report isn’t something you need to be doing.”
My heart fell. “I’m having a baby. I can’t be slowly weaned out of a job.”
“No one is doing that.”
Was I really crazy? “So why can’t anyone talk to me about what work I might want to pass off? About what work I want to keep? About what I feel I can handle? I know I’m just a lowly secretary, but until that woman came in, I at least felt respected and appreciated.” Maybe I needed to consider that job with Stark after all. I didn’t much want to work for an asshole, but it felt like that was what I was doing now anyway. At least with Stark, I’d probably earn more.
“I’m sorry you feel like that and you’re right, you should be consulted or informed. I’ll talk to the mayor.”
“You’re patronizing me.” I felt completely deflated.
“I’m not.”
“You’re a stronger woman than me, Sinclair. When you became a single mom, you could do it. Plus, you had more people in your life. There’s only me—”
“And Ryder.” Her eyes narrowed.
I let out a breath. “A baby needs more than a fun playmate for a father.”
“You know, Trina, you’re my best and oldest friend, but I’m having a really hard time with the way you talk about Ryder. He’s going to be a great dad.”