"I'm trying to protect you and this company," he insisted. But he turned away and headed to my door. "Get your shit together Ryan."
"Just give me a little time," I said. “Keep this to yourself for now and give me a little time. I promise I will figure this out."
Luckily Carter did give me a little bit of time although it wasn't easy. For the next few weeks, he was constantly harping at me to deal with Kellie. She and I had eventually talked after her day off, and I told her that Carter hadn't told anybody about us and that she didn't need to be worried about being embarrassed to come back to work or worried about her job.
It took a couple of days, and a weekend away up at Carmel, but soon she and I were back to our regular friends with benefits relationship. Of course, for me, I was back to being in love with a woman who thought we were just in a friends with benefits relationship.
But the time Carter gave me was going to run out and I needed to make a decision. The truth was I felt fairly sure of the decision I wanted to make. The question was whether Kellie would say yes. Knowing my time was coming to an end, I took an afternoon and went ring shopping. Of course, that ring was riding around in my pocket for over a week when Carter once again burst into my office demanding that I do something about Kellie.
"The time has come Ryan you have to shit or get off the pot," Carter said. "I'm going to tell Gran and then I'm going to tell Hunter and Noah. You can't continue to have an affair with your assistant. It won't end well."
For the first time in a long time, since I started having these regular encounters with my brother, I felt calm and confident. "You're right. I’ve made a decision." I pulled out the small velvet box from my pocket. "I bought a ring and I plan to ask her to marry me tonight."
Carter's jaw dropped and I realized he expected me to end things with Kellie. "So, you are in love with her?"
"Yes. I'm pretty sure I have been since we were in Europe." I couldn't pinpoint the point in which admiration and lust turned into love, but I was pretty sure that it started back then.
"You're going to have to change your life, you know? You've been 110% with the company. A new wife is going to require more attention."
I rolled my eyes. "What do you think I've been doing most evenings?"
"Sex isn't love big brother. I just want you to be sure. If the marriage thing doesn't work out that could be bad as well."
"Oh my God." I threw my arms up in exasperation. "I can't win with you, can I? Or did you want me just to end things with her?"
For the first time Carter's expression softened. "I just want you to be happy."
"No, you don't. Or maybe you do want me to be happy, but more than that you want to make sure I don't mess things up for the company."
He ignored my comment. "So, what are you planning?"
"I have a special night on the yacht. After tonight you can run and tell anyone and everyone you want about the proposal.” Of course, that assumed she said yes. “You know, Carter, you didn't used to be such a tattletale."
He made a face at me. "I'm just trying to protect the company from a lawsuit."
"I just hope you all can be nice to Kellie."
"Oh, I definitely approve of Kellie as a sister-in-law."
I jerked back in surprise. "Really?"
He nodded. "Sure. She's smart and she knows how to keep you in line. What more could we want?"
I laughed. "I'm glad to hear that."
I couldn't decide if it was excitement or nerves that was making me feel sick to my stomach as I drove Kellie and I out to the marina. Initially, I was sure it was a little of both but mostly excitement. I finally came to the realization that I wasn't ever going to be sated in my time with Kellie. It didn't matter how much time we spent together in bed and out, I would never get enough, of that I had been sure.
But now I was second-guessing myself. Did I care for her? Yes absolutely. But did I love her? What was love anyway? I knew I didn't want to stop seeing her. I knew she was the first thing I thought about when I woke up every morning. I went to work eager to see her even though I knew during those hours we had to be professional. But if I weren't under the gun from Carter, would I be asking her to marry me? Maybe eventually, but now?
She seemed unaware of the turmoil I was going through as I walked her to the yacht. As we approached, one of the crewmen told me that everything had been prepared. Kellie's eyes lit up and her smile was radiant, which settled my stomach a little bit. I very much enjoy watching her as she experienced new things. I liked seeing the world through her eyes. She made me appreciate the advantages I had and often took for granted.
I escorted her onto the yacht and we stood on the bow as the boat left the bay and headed out into the Pacific.
"This is amazing," Kellie exclaimed, with her head tilted up towards the setting sun, a smile that lit up her face.
When she was like this, I felt like a superhero. That's what I wanted to be for her; her hero. Was that love? "I thought you might like this."
She turned and looked at me, and for a moment she looked like she was going to tell me something. But then she bit her lip and looked down.