Her brow furrowed. “Or did Carter find out and put the kibosh on it?” she asked.
“Why would you ask that?” Had she heard about me and Ryan from Carter and now she was just trying to get me to confess the truth of it?
“Because that's the type of thing he worries about. He and Ryan had been huddling a lot together the last couple of weeks before Ryan got all moody. I would guess Carter would tell him how dangerous it was, legally, for you two to be together since Ryan is your boss.”
“Carter did catch me at Ryan's house. It was mortifying, but he promised Ryan he wouldn’t tell anybody.”
“Well, I haven’t heard it from Margaret, so I guess he did keep his promise. But I bet he put pressure on Ryan to end it. Is that what happened?”
I could feel the tears well in my eyes and she noticed it too because she scooted her chair to me, and put her arm around me. “Oh honey, did he break your heart?”
“We weren’t supposed to fall in love. Both of us had been clear. Friends with benefits. And yet, I guess we both broke that rule.”
She studied me with quizzical eyes. “Well if you love each other, what’s the problem?”
“I can’t be sure we both fell in love. I mean…I know I love him. And I think he loves me.” He did propose even if he never said the words. “Although he’s never said he does.”
She gave me a look of pity, like perhaps I’d set my expectations too high and I was projecting my feelings on him. There was a time that I thought that was the case. But he wouldn’t have proposed to me if he didn’t feel something even if there was no pronouncement of love.
“He…he…Andi this is something you really do need to keep between us.”
She huffed out a breath. “I told you I would.”
“He proposed to me, with a ring, and fancy dinner.”
Once again, she looked at me like I wasn’t making any sense. I suppose I wasn’t, because she still didn’t know about the baby, and how I hadn’t told him for weeks.
“Did you tell him no?”
“I told him yes and then I told him something else, and he changed his mind.”
She was going to have a perma-frown if she kept looking at me like she was. “I don’t get it. What could make him change his mind?”
I shook my head unable to tell her the last bit. I couldn’t imagine that she would be able to keep the information about the baby from Margaret. And I didn’t want to put her in a situation in which she had to carry the burden.
She must have realized I wasn’t going to give her more details. After a moment she said, “I suspect that Ryan is acting the way he is because he misses his fake wife and his almost fiancé.”
I wanted to believe that but the image of Ryan’s expression of hurt and disappointment and feelings of betrayal were seared into my brain. Besides if he was having a change of heart and wanted to forgive me, he’d be here, wouldn’t he?
“He knows where I am if he’s changed his mind.” I pressed my fingers to my eyes because I really didn’t want to cry anymore.
“You know all the Strong boys are stubborn. If you come back to work, he’ll see you and will be reminded why he loves you. He will see the error of his ways and then you two will be back together, right as rain.” She sounded so sure, but I wasn’t convinced.
As it turned out I couldn’t stop the tears as they dripped down over my cheeks. “It’s just really hard to see him.”
Andi squeeze me in a hug again. “You need to cut through all this BS and find a way to come together.”
“You just don’t understand how it feels to be around someone and love them and yet you can’t have them.”
She flinched next to me. “I do know, and that’s why I’m trying to help you have a real chance at love.”
I turned to look at her wondering what she was talking about. “What do you mean?”
She shook her head. “Let’s just say I have my own secrets. Right now, though you need to get yourself together and get back to work to show Ryan what he’s missing.” She rose from her chair giving my shoulder a pat. “I have to get back to Margaret. Think about what I said. Don’t give up so easily.”
After she left, I just sat for a moment replaying her advice. Was she right? Could I go to Ryan and ask for his forgiveness and another chance to work things out?
If he did give me another chance, was it because he cared for me like he did the night he proposed? Or would he just be doing the right thing for me and the baby? I didn’t want a loveless marriage. And while Ryan said he’d be a part of the child’s life; I wondered how much of a reality that would be. Not that he would cruelly reject his child, but his life was the family business. How much time would he have to give to a child?