"What's changed?" Reggie asked.
"I can't live with the guilt. I can't live with the type of person it makes me out to be by keeping Tanner and Carter apart."
"What about all those fears you had?" she asked.
"I'm terrified. But I don't like the person I've become in trying to protect myself. Carter is a good man, and all I've done is reject him and lie to him, and then I was a bitch to him when he lied to me." I shook my head and set my drink on the table as the tears began to rush again. "I'm the worst sort of person. I don't deserve either of them."
“Oh honey, of course, you deserve them." Reggie put her wine down and scooted over to my side of the couch to put her arm around me. "We all make shaky decisions sometimes. You didn't make the choices you made because you were being mean or trying to hurt them on purpose."
"I was being selfish," I said through sniffles.
"Yes, but you also recognize the error of your ways. Plus, if Carter is the type of man that you say he is, he's not going to try and take Tanner away from you."
"Why not? After everything I did to him. I don't know why he wouldn't want to do that to me."
"Well, for one, you said he's a nice person, so it doesn't seem like he would use Tanner to hurt you. But second, he would recognize that taking Tanner away from you would hurt Tanner. So, while he might want to hurt you, he wouldn't want to hurt Tanner, am I right?"
I nodded, because she did have a point.
"All of this is just an academic question at this point. No matter what, I have to tell him. I'll tell him tomorrow."
I considered getting in my car and driving out there now, but I knew he was drunk and it didn't seem like a good time to do it then. Plus, I should probably have Tanner with me. It seemed wrong to tell a man that he was a father but not have his son there for him to meet. Hopefully, having Tanner there might lead Carter to control his anger at me too. See, I was still selfish and frightened. But by tomorrow I would build up my courage and do the right thing for both Tanner and Carter.
27
Carter
I woke up with cotton in my mouth, sandpaper on my tongue, and something had blown my brains to bits. I brought the heels of my hands to my eye sockets and willed the pain and nausea to go away. Why the hell had I drunk too much last night?
I was always a conscientious drinker. When I was out with friends or at a party, I always had a drink in my hand so it looked like I was keeping pace with everyone else, but generally it was the same drink all night. I enjoyed booze, but I much more preferred to have all my wits about me.
I wasn't so hung over that I didn't remember how I made a scene and embarrassed myself in Hunter's restaurant. It was exactly the reason why I didn't drink very much. But I so desperately wanted to feel something other than the pain of having a hole in my heart. What a cruel twist of fate that the source of that pain would walk into my brother’s restaurant. How could I not go and confront her about it? What was wrong with me that she couldn't see everything I wanted to offer her.
Or maybe I had to consider that she wasn't the woman I thought she was. Perhaps I was in love with the woman four years ago, and that wasn't who she was today. The whole thing was fucked up, and it was time to resolve it once and for all.
I would apologize to her for embarrassing her in front of her date. I would promise her that it would never happen again, and then do my best to stay the hell away from her. I had to hope that Hunter was right, and that despite how strong my feelings were for her, she wasn't the one in the same way that Natalie and Kellie had been the ones for my brothers.
Thinking of Hunter, I wondered where he was. I managed to get out of bed and splash water on my face. I stared at myself in the mirror and I looked the same as I felt; like shit.
I made my way downstairs, and into the kitchen where I could smell coffee brewing.
"The living dead, you're up," Hunter said. He cocked his head to the side. "Do you feel like having eggs and bacon?"
"If you're asking if my brain feels scrambled. The answer is yes."
Hunter laughed as I took a seat at the table and dropped my head onto my forearms.
"How about we start with water and pain reliever, and work our way to coffee?" Hunter said.
"How did you get to be so good at this?"
"I own a club, remember? Besides, I've been in your situation, so I've had practice." He set a glass of water and a couple of pills in front of me. "The good news is, there doesn't seem to be anything in the paper about Carter Strong making a scene at his brother’s restaurant."
I lifted my head and looked at him. "Was that a possibility?"
Hunter sat at the other side of the table. "Sure. Don't forget I had pictures of me in my secret relationship with Natalie leaked out. For reasons I don't understand, people are interested in our lives."
I suppose it was a good thing that nobody was interested in my life to bother following me around. The truth was Hunter was the brother who was involved in more things, and therefore seen more by local society. I was more like my brother Ryan in that I tended to be more of an introvert and on the straight and narrow. Boring. Noah was more like Hunter in that he lived the wild child life.