I looked over at the boy sleeping soundly next to me. Then I looked out over the water.
"There's no doubt that I love her dad, but I'm finding it hard to forgive her for not telling me about Tanner sooner. I don't mean over the four years but since she'd come to work for you and we had seen each other again. Remember I talked about her being resistant and I think he's why. I don't think she wanted me to know about him and I don't know how to get past that."
My father nodded in understanding. “Well, the good thing is you have time. Maybe with time you will be able to forgive her, or maybe you won't. But you will still have to learn to be civil to each other for the sake of this little boy.”
I nodded. "Yes, of course."
When we were done at the beach, I hadn’t heard from Jess so I decided that Tanner and I would stop at a toy store and then I’d take him to my house. I’d let him pick any of the rooms.
Once I got him home, he went running through the house excited every inch of it. I remembered feeling that same way the first time I walked in the house, and before I walked out again, I'd made an offer to buy it.
He chose a room that had a window seat and looked out over the backyard and the pool. I made sure that there was nothing in the room that might hurt him and then brought up all his toys which we unpacked and played with.
"Daddy. I'm hungry,” he said as he stacked more blocks preciously tall.
I realized it was about dinnertime. "What do you want to eat? Do you like pizza? I can order pizza."
"I like pizza but just with cheese."
I decided to go ahead and text Jess to tell her that I brought Tanner to my house, and we were getting ready to order pizza. He seemed to be doing fine so I let her know that as well.
She texted back to let her know if she needed to come and pick him up.
"Is my mommy going to come and have dinner with us too?" Tanner asked. "She always likes to have dinner with me."
It occurred to me that perhaps that was why she was always in a rush to leave around dinnertime when she worked with my dad. And of course, Tanner explained why she said she couldn't live-in when I tried to hire her. It was so strange to admire her dedication to raising him, while at the same being pissed that she hadn’t told me about him.
I might not be able to completely forgive that, but I could make sure that we were friendly for Tanner’s sake. I texted Jess.
Why don't you come have pizza with us?
30
Jess
I did my best to be focused and attentive on Mr. Schmidt, an 80-year-old man with a fractured upper femur. Lucky for him, his surgery had gone well, and he was on the slow path to recovery.
But as I worked with him, my thoughts kept going back to Tanner and Carter. I couldn't help having concern that Tanner might become afraid or miss me since he didn’t know Carter well. I completely trusted Carter and after seeing them together in the park, I knew the two of them were going to have a fabulous father-son relationship. But Tanner was only three, and didn't know Carter. Plus, Carter was taking him out to meet his father, another new person in a new place. Tanner was generally an adaptable child, but he could get agitated and he wasn't immune to throwing tantrums or having crying jags, especially if he was tired or afraid.
When I finished my session with Mr. Schmidt, I checked my phone but didn't see any messages or voicemails from Carter. I decided that was a good sign. The next thing I had to do was resist texting or calling him to check on Tanner. It was a battle because it went against my motherly instinct; the need to know how Tanner was doing.
But I also knew that Carter resented when I made suggestions that he wouldn’t be a good father or was lacking in character. I trusted Carter and I knew Alex well enough to know he would recognize if Tanner needed me. The man had single-handedly raised four boys, so I was sure he knew a thing or two about children.
After my session I returned back to the house. When I entered, Reggie was in her corner typing away on her laptop.
She stopped and turned to me. "You're childless. Does that mean father and son are off for an afternoon?"
"I got a call for a new client, and Carter said he would take care of Tanner."
Reggie swirled her chair around in my direction fully engaging in our conversation. "You sound a little nervous about that."
I shrugged. "I trust that Carter can take care of Tanner, but he's a stranger to Tanner. What if Tanner misses me? Or what if he starts to act out?"
"How long has Carter had him?"
I looked down at my watch. "Couple hours."
Reggie stared at me for a moment. "Has there been any text or calls about problems?"