"He looks tired,” my father echoed my thoughts.
I nodded, unsure of what to do. Should I take him back to Reggie now? Can I take him to my house?
I realized I didn't have a room for a child. Well, I had a room, I just didn't have one that was set up for a child.
My father laid out one of the towels that the housekeeper had brought out for us. "Why don't you just lay him down here?”
We had the umbrella out there that Jess apparently had insisted dad use when he was out on the beach, so Tanner would be in the shade.
"I still want to make sand castles," Tanner said. But he climbed onto the towel and lay down.
"You rest for a little bit and then will build some more," I said to him, as I ran my hand over his head. I watched as his eyes closed and his breathing got regular and steady. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
"I always knew you'd be a good father," my dad said next to me.
I turned to him, emotion again swirling crazily through my chest. "I never imagined it would feel like this."
My father nodded. "It's overwhelming isn’t it? At the same time beyond the most fantastic thing you could ever imagine feeling."
I nodded.
"So, I'm assuming that the trip to Mexico with Jess is what started all this,” my father said.
I nodded. "She had no way of contacting me when she found out she was pregnant." That I believed. It still didn't take away the sting of her not telling me when we were reunited.
"She never mentioned having a child to me. I had no idea,” my father said.
"I'm not sure she was going to tell me dad." I looked over at Tanner, and even in just a few hours that I knew him, the idea that I could've gone my whole life never having met him both burned in my gut and broke my heart.
"It's hard to imagine Jess being like that, but I suppose a mother's instinct sometimes gets the better of them."
I looked at my father. "Why would her mother's instinct tell her that I wouldn't be a good father."
My father shook his head. He put his hand on my back and patted. "I suspect it had less to do with you, and more about her. A mother's worry is a deep, deep chasm. Your mother would've booted me to the curb if I had ever done anything that might have hurt you boys. The minute you all were here, it was clear to me that you were her priority."
"She loved you, dad." I was young when my mother died, but I could remember the way she would smile at him. I remembered them being together and happy. It had been the type of thing I'd been striving to have in my own life, and for time thought I might have with Jess.
"I have no doubt about that, son. My point is that the mother-child bond is very strong. And sometimes maybe it makes them overprotective or over worried. What did she say to you when you found out?"
"She told me about what you are saying. She said she was worried that I would be angry or that I would only be a father out of duty."
I was glad to see my father’s normally amiable expression darkened slightly. "You'd never do that."
"No, I wouldn't. She seemed to think I might." I let out a long sigh. "She's also worried that I would take him away from her."
To that my father nodded in agreement which annoyed
me because I would never do that.
"You definitely have the resources to fight her for custody — "
"I wouldn't do that."
"I know you wouldn't son. But I could see where she would be worried about that. You've been a father for a couple of hours; wouldn't you do anything to keep him with you?"
I had to admit that he was right. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned that Jess might do things to keep him from me, despite what she said.
"What does this mean for you and Jess? Before it sounded like you loved her, but now you don't seem so sure."