Because I couldn't bear to have Carter tell me that it was too late, I stood. "I'm going to use the little girl's room." I hurried back to the restroom. I cleaned up the little bit of the mess that Tanner had made, and then simply stared at myself in the mirror. After splashing water on my face and plastering on a smile. I headed back to the kitchen where Carter and Tanner had prepared a meal of pasta and salad. I made a big deal about it as I sat down.
As usual, Tanner chatted away about his day and meeting his great grandma and having hot chocolate with Andi.
The only thing Carter said to me was asking if Tanner could spend the night again.
I nodded, and it seemed to me that Tanner would probably be all right staying here by himself, but then Carter said, "You can stay with him again. It's important that he feels safe here."
I nodded, unable to respond.
After dinner we played with Tanner and then put him to bed. Afterwards, Carter said he had some work he needed to do in the office, but that I was welcome to the house if I wanted to get a book from his library, or just explore.
I thanked him and made my way down and out to the back deck, sitting in a lounge chair in the dark. The air was clean and cool, and I used it to try and organize my thoughts and settle my nerves.
Later I went back into the house, to get ready for bed, which only amounted to combing my hair and brushing my teeth as I hadn't planned to stay the night again. But this time on the twin bed, I found a large T-shirt that had a faded picture of a turtle and the word Mexico across it that I recognized from our trip four years ago. There was also a pair of shorts with a tie at the waist. It wasn't lingerie, but it would work for pajamas.
I put them on, and then climbed into bed, rolling onto my side to look over at Tanner who was sleeping soundly in the other bed.
I was nearly asleep when I heard my name being called.
"Jess."
I opened my eyes, but Tanner was still sleeping in his bed.
"Jess, are you awake?"
I rolled over and saw Carter squatting down by the bed.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked, wondering if I was having a weird dream.
"Yes."
"What?" Now I knew I was awake. I looked over at Tanner again prepared to get him up and out of the house if something was wrong.
"Can you come with me?"
I pulled the covers off and stepped and got out of bed. "What's going on?"
He didn't say anything, and instead motioned me out of Tanner's bedroom. He led me up the hall to a space that was some sort of sitting room. It had two walls full bookshelves and a comfortable chair with a large wind
ow looking out over the yard.
"You're making me nervous, Carter." I admitted as we stood in the middle of the dark room with only the moonlight shining on us.
"I'm nervous too," he said.
“Why? What's going on?"
His eyes were intense as they stared at me. "Because I love you too."
33
Carter
I felt like I’d waited forever to hear Jess say those three little words…I love you. When I heard them, I almost thought I had to have heard wrong. Then I had to wonder why she’d be crying over it. Why did being in love with me make her sad?
I ruminated over it all evening but by the time I’d finished in my office and gone to bed, I hadn’t figured out what the hell she was thinking.
Finally, unable to sleep or take it anymore, I’d made my way to Tanner’s room and woke her. I had to know what she meant and why it upset her so much.