Eleanor’s expression has none of its usual spark. “Think of the gossip—two lords fighting over me at the concert. I am so fortunate.”
Finn takes her hand from me and tucks it in his arm so she can lean on him. “I’ll call my carriage for you. I think it best if you spend the next few days at your uncle’s home.”
She nods, and I give her the best smile I can manage.
“Do not move,” Finn says to me, his voice stern, and then he walks her out of the grand room.
Eleanor is fine, I reassure myself. But she was put in harm’s way because of me. I had no thought for others’ welfare when I defied Lord Downpike with that silly attempt for power with his book. I should have known—was warned—that this was all much bigger than me. Much bigger than any book, no matter how much magical knowledge it deprived him of. But I thought myself too clever for it all.
There are more ways to hurt me than I had realized. I think of Jacky Boy and Ma’ati with a sick feeling in my stomach. I’ll have to ask Finn to take them on immediately rather than waiting. If they’re on his property, they’ll be safe. But what will I do to make sure no one else is hurt because of me? Not everyone can be carefully shuffled off to other places.
And why should I be a part of any of this? Albion, the continental countries—let them tear each other to pieces. I just want to finish my studies and go home.
I am wilting under the electric lights, coming apart at the edges and unable to hold on to myself or anyone else.
“Drink, milady?”
I reach out without looking, but the same voice says again, this time startled, “Jessa? Is that you?”
Focusing on the servant—had I forgotten to look them in the eyes?—I realize with a shock that he is none other than Kelen.
“What are you doing here?” I gasp, terrified that this, too, is a ploy of Lord Downpike’s. If he’s found out Kelen was a childhood friend, my first kiss, part of my own island . . .
He gives me an odd look. “I’m working. I could ask what you are doing here, though.” He nods down at my dress, raising his eyebrows.
“Oh.” I try to wave my hand, but even the gesture fails me. “I—I’m here with—a friend.”
“A friend.” His flat tone leaves no question as to what he thinks of that. “It appears you’ve made better friends than me in your short time here. I’ve been by to see you.”
“I know, I’m so sorry. Things have been—well, complicated. Insane, actually.”
He nods, one black eyebrow raised in condemnation. “I see.”
I can’t stand the judgment in his face, not after Ernest’s criticisms. “You don’t understand, I—”
He holds up his free hand. “No, I understand. I knew our mothers, too, remember?”
“It’s not like that!”
“He’ll use you up and then throw you away, and there’s nothing you can do about it, because in the end you aren’t one of them and you never will be. No one here will ever see you as an equal—no matter how many fine dresses you accept.”
I can feel tears building, both at his accusations and at the deep-rooted suspicions that he’s right.
I take his free hand in mine. “Please, let me explain. Come and see me at the hotel, I’ll tell you everything. It’s not—” I find myself once again on the verge of saying “I didn’t choose this.” But . . . it’s a lie. I chose to come here tonight with Finn. I chose to let him into my life. I wanted to, much as I protested otherwise.
“I hope whatever you are getting is worth it.” His eyes cut me to the core.
I startle as someone touches the small of my back. “Who is your friend?” Finn asks.
Blushing deeply, I drop my grip on Kelen’s hand and stammer, “This is Kelen. We grew up together.”
Kelen bows low at the waist, while Finn barely inclines his head. “If you’ll excuse me, I must steal Jessamin.” He turns, taking me with him, and I crane my neck to watch Kelen, whose face is bathed in stony disappointment as he watches Finn lead me to the other side of the room.
“What is so important? Is it Eleanor?”
“No, no, she’s fine. On her way home. I thought you might like something to eat.”
He’s pulling me along, guiding me with his hand on my back, and I stop. “That’s why you had to take me away without bothering to speak with someone I’ve known for years?”