Holding On To Heaven (Allendale Four 2)

Anderson grabbed the ice out of the freezer and lifted it over his shoulder. I didn’t miss the way my father watched us as we walked back i

n the room. Or the way my mother tried to divert his attention. I also didn’t miss how Anderson’s hand brushed against my lower back, making my stomach fill with butterflies.

All it took was one night and my life got really, really complicated.

“Dude, so what was that all about?”

Amber and I were in the truck, headed back to her house for a sleepover. Well, not true. We were really both going to our boyfriend’s houses—her, Benjamin and me, Oliver’s.

“You mean the fit my dad just had about me leaving?”

“Uh, yeah. That and the fact he was here at all.” She turned to face me. “There seemed to be some tension.”

That was one way to put it. “My dad is…spoiled? I guess. I don’t know. He just likes to control things and he’s been gone so long he hasn’t realized I’m an adult now.”

He’d been angry that I wanted to leave after the party, but Mom had already given me permission to spend the night out. I was proud of her for sticking to her guns, before he left she never would have done that. But if he found out about me and the guys…

I didn’t want to think about it.

“He was nice and he said he was going to get us a TV for the dorm room, which is totally unnecessary, but still.”

I didn’t want to tell her that things from my dad came with strings attached. You never knew when you’d have to pay up.

Amber reached for my hand and squeezed it. “Look, I know you’re a worrier. That’s what you do, but we’ve graduated, we’ve made it into a great school and things are going to be awesome.”

I smiled, wanting to believe her, but I had a hard time ignoring the gnawing feeling in my gut, that everything I’d worked so hard for over the last year was about to implode.

I dropped her off at Benjamin’s with an agreement to meet at the diner by nine the next morning to cover our bases. Allendale was a small town so it didn’t take long for me to get to Oliver’s house. His father and step-mother showed up for the actual graduation but were leaving for Europe in the morning. Every light in the main house was out, so I used my phone to light my way down the back driveway.

Sleepovers were rare, and despite popular gossip, I didn’t fuck all the guys at once and we definitely didn’t have orgies. For god’s sake, we’re eighteen and I’d just lost my virginity six months before. Sure, I was more comfortable with myself now, but four guys at once? Nope. Not happening. What people didn’t get was that my relationship with all the guys was an individual one as well as a group. What happened in one bedroom wasn’t discussed together. And the truth was that even though I was really close with each of them, I hadn’t had sex with anyone but Anderson.

That was something I hoped to remedy soon.

Despite the raging hormones and increased tension, we made a rule that when we’re all together it was nothing more than a hangout. With snuggling. And usually a shit-ton of food because my boys eat like the world may run out tomorrow.

Jackson met me at the door, taking my bag from my hand.

“Hey babe,” he said, leaning in for a quick kiss. Behind him was the usual set up. Bags of snacks littered across the coffee table, despite the fact they just ate at my house. Hayden and Oliver were involved in an intense video game (I guess. Seriously, I couldn’t keep up.), while Anderson lounged on the couch and scrolled through his phone. He looked up when I entered and winked.

It was a relief to be here with them like this, but also hard since I knew it was probably the last time before we all left for school. Anderson was right. I didn’t like change—not at all—and I felt the shadow of anxiety tickling at the back of my mind.

“You’ve got to see this,” Jackson said, pulling me into the house. I followed him across the living room to Oliver’s bedroom. The bed itself was gone.

“What is this?” I asked, processing the room. The whole floor was covered in pillows and blankets. Er, maybe I’d been wrong about that orgy thing.

Jackson dropped my bag on the floor and slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. “Oliver did it. He wanted a way for us to all be close before we head off to school. It’s a big change for all of us. Hayden’ll be in full training for his fall season once he gets there. Anderson’s swim season never ends, and Oliver and I will be in the thick of it with the baseball team.”

I looked over his shoulder and saw the others. Hayden dropped his controller and jumped on Anderson’s back. Oliver shouted for them to stop being so rough, but he barreled toward them, knocking both guys to the ground. I couldn’t help but laugh at their silly horseplay and I didn’t miss the wistful glint in Jackson’s eye.

Change sucked and an intense shudder of anxiety gripped me.

“Heaven,” Anderson said, escaping Hayden’s grip. “Are you okay? Is it what you wanted to talk to us about?”

Their eyes lit up and every one of them focused on me. Here was my chance to let them know I was ready for more with them. I wanted to step outside the box, but all of that seemed stupid in light of my father coming back and the change ahead.

I felt the noose tightening about my neck.

“Is it your dad?” Oliver asked.