“I feel like shit for doing this because obviously we need to talk, but I have an early meeting at the gym.” He kissed my forehead. “Last night was unexpected. Great. Amazing, but unexpected and you know me, I’m not one to bolt out of bed the morning after.” He checked his watch and grimaced before continuing in a rush, “I don’t want things to get weird after this. I want us to talk it over. I do not want this to fall into one of those awkward moments, okay?”
I hadn’t moved an inch since I woke but I watched as he tugged his jeans over his hips, then his shirt over his head. I lamented the ladder of abs disappearing from view and fought off every mental thought flickering in my mind; every pounding, panicked heartbeat.
What. The. Fuck. Had. I. Done?
Him.
I’d done him and I enjoyed every, single, moment. But I had to tell him before he left what this was about.
I sat up, holding the sheet to my chest. “Jackson.”
“Yeah?” he shoved his foot in a boot.
“We don’t need to talk. I just want to thank you now for last night. I needed closure. Something final, you know?”
“Final. There’s that word again.” His second boot hung off his fingertips.
“We left everything so abruptly. I just needed a chance to…I don’t know, say goodbye to that part of our relationship.”
He nodded, eyes blinking, and crammed his foot in his remaining boot. He leaned over the bed and kissed me gently on the forehead and in a blink, was out of the apartment. Once I was alone I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling, replaying the events of the night. We’d celebrated, we drank, but not so much I didn’t know what I was doing. Oh, I’d known, and I wanted it. I wanted him one last time and damn, he didn’t disappoint. He was bigger—stronger—unbelievably more confident in his body and skill. Which for Jackson…none of those things had been a challenge, even when he was younger. When he lured me to the edge, I came hard, biting down on his shoulder to muffle the sound and when he came, he kept his eyes open, watching me every second.
It was great, but…there was no such thing as a clean hook up, or booty call or whatever the hell that was in a situation like ours. There were three other guys to consider. Three other people that were tied into this relationship, and Jackson and I broke a major agreement with what we did. Not just between us but between all of us, and even if he and I maybe found that closure I’d been seeking, we possibly destroyed something larger.
I didn’t just need closure with him. I needed it with all of them. Shit. I wasn’t sure I’d thought this through.
My phone vibrated across the dresser, skipping across the surface. I grabbed it and checked the screen.
Oliver: Could use a little help with Hayden later today. You around?
I stared at the question for a moment almost wanting to say no, to hide beneath these blankets for the rest of the day and pretend I hadn’t fucked up so badly.
But I’d made a promise to Hayden and the others I’d be there to help, and like every other time in my life, I couldn’t say no to the guys. Not then and not now.
I sent my reply and got out of bed, planning to wash the sins of the night off my body before I faced two of the three other men in my life.
22
Heaven
The clank of metal weights slamming against one another ricocheted in my ears. The gym was packed with clients, more so than during my last visit. Maybe because it was the weekend. Either way, Peyton ushered me through the maze of machines until we arrived at a small, private training room. The floors and walls were covered with mats. Hayden sat in the middle of the room on the floor. His legs stretched out, including the one with an ankle still wrapped in tape. I saw the ridge of bandages under his cotton tank—the wrappings that covering his bruised ribs. His shirt was soaked in sweat. Oliver sat across from him, giving him some kind of direction. Wild fury rose in my chest when I entered the room.
“What the hell is going on here?” I asked, eyeing him and Oliver. “Why are you down here working out? You should be in bed. Resting. You are not supposed to be down here!”
“Calm down,” Oliver said, rolling his eyes. “This is part of his treatment. Just a few stretches to get his muscles moving.”
I moved to face Hayden. Sweat poured down his forehead. “Why are you sweating so much, then?”
He touched his side. “Because it hurts like a mother-fucker, babe.”
Babe. I rolled my own eyes and said. “This is ridiculous.”
“It’s part of the process, Heaven.”
I knelt before Hayden and touched his forehead. “How’s your head? Any headaches? I read the paperwork and the best thing for that concussion is full rest.”
“I’m fine. Bored out of my mind. I can feel my muscles atrophying. I had approval to come down here—Oliver had approval to help me.”
“Approval from who?”