Prologue
Walking away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
No.
That’s not true.
Burying my parents at the age of eighteen, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
What followed--raising Dexter, taking in the boys, becoming a foster parent, building the Wayward Sun--all of that was done in a fog. A well-intentioned, exhausted, running-on-empty fog.
Carry on, amirite?
But where does that leave me?
Twenty-three, burned out, and running away from home.
God, my life is a mess.
For a minute I thought theirs was too, and I couldn’t deal, but I saw that the boys would be okay, that Dexter would be okay, that they had Starlee and her mom and Mrs. Nye; I knew I needed to go. I just needed a break.
So, I left.
And I hate myself for it.
It’s six months later and I’m sitting in the back of the high school auditorium, the same auditorium I graduated from five years ago, and watch them stride across the stage. Dexter with his shoulders back, pride written on his face. Jake, the one I wasn’t sure would make it, clutching his diploma tighter than a football. Charlie and George, smart, silly, broken, and ultimately rebuilt. My heart swells, seeing them accomplish this goal. This small goal that was so hard to achieve.
I wipe a tear from my eye as the principal makes it official and they fall into each others' arms. I should be there. For Dexter, at the very least. For my mom and dad.
But my legs feel like lead, and my is heart heavy.
I need more time to get my shit together. To find my way back home.
I glance down at my tattoo, the one we all share, knowing my family needs me, but right now I need something else.
I just have to figure out exactly what.
1
Sierra
I hear the car coming down the dirt road long before I see it. I step out on the front porch and shade my eyes from the early summer sun. The truck comes to a stop behind my Jeep and Katie steps out, blonde hair twisted into two knots on the top of her head. She’s wearing a cut off Def Leppard shirt that shows off her belly ring and she waves when she sees me.
“I think I got everything you need,” she calls, heading to the steps, holding a bag in her hand.
When she gets to the top, I take the bag and pull her into a hug with the other. “Thanks. This place is a mess. I thought there would be enough cleaning supplies here, but I was wrong. It’s going to take more than elbow grease to get this place ready to sell.”
“You’re really going to sell it?”
I step in the front door, gesturing her to follow me. I’ve known Katie for a long time, since school, but we really became friends the past few years in Lee Vines.
“I think we should. Dexter has his own life in Lee Vines, running the shop, and there are just too many difficult memories for us here. It’s a good home to raise a family and neither of us are in that position right now.”
She walks in and I place the bag of cleaning supplies on the coffee table. “It doesn’t look like it’s in terrible shape. Shouldn’t be hard to sell, right?”
I grimace. “The HVAC needs replacing and the bedrooms all need a paint job. The kitchen is a little outdated and frankly, I need to get everything out of here. Dex and I were so shocked after my parents died that we didn’t do the clean-up we needed to.”
She rests her hand on my arm. “I’m here to help you with anything you need, got it?”
“Thanks,” I reply. I don’t plan on asking for help. Not from her or Dexter. This is something I feel like I need to do myself. I’ve carried the baggage of the past around with me for too long. It’s time to let it go.
“How does it feel to be back?” she asks.
“Weird not to be in Lee Vines, but I want to get this finished before I go home.” I’d spent the last six months traveling—mostly around the Southwest. I hit a few Supernatural conventions, hanging with other fans. That felt good, but the whole time I knew I had to come back here and deal with everything. That time has come.
“How’s Robbie?” I ask, knowing they’ve been dating a while.
“Good. He wanted to know if you’ve talked to the Rangers.”
The park rangers. Robbie is a ranger in Yosemite, and at Christmas introduced me to three of his friends. I knew the guys that worked for the parks department were athletic and outdoorsy, I just didn’t know they built them like, well, like Smith, Holden, and Adrian.
We’d hit it off and it was nice being around guys my own age, instead of the hormonal stink of teenagers. God, so many showers. So much laundry. So much angst.
At first, things went okay. At least with Holden and Adrian. They were nice. Hot. I could see myself having fun with them.
“No, but it’s not surprising that I haven’t. I kind of took off right after the New Year. They probably forgot all about me.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t count on it. Robbie says they still ask about you.”
“All of them?”
She smiles. “Two of them, at least. You made an impression.”
I know which two. Or rather, I know which one isn’t interested. Smith and I didn’t really hit it off, or rather, I’d burned that bridge right out of the gate. “Yeah, well, they did too, which is why I wasn’t keeping up with the boys on New Year’s. Look how that turned out.”
Another court hearing. Losing my foster care license. Everything falling apart.
Her hand covers mine. “In the long run, it turned out fine. They’re doing really well.” The churn of guilt still tightens in my stomach, knowing I should have been there. “Have you told Dex you’re here?”
“Not yet.” I give her a pleading, tight smile.
“I won’t tell him.” She gives me a side look. “Just like I won’t tell you that he and Starlee shack up at the campground when they need a little privacy.”
I clamp my hands over my ears. “No! I do not want to know that! They’re eighteen. Graduated! Not my business anymore.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I promise I won’t tell them you’re down here until you’re ready.”