Only when I’m finished, and my breathing is under control, do I think about what happened next.
We kissed, while fireworks burst overhead, and she pulled me down, whispering in my ear. She told me she wanted me, and I looked down at her, wanting her all the same, but knowing in my heart, in the pit of my stomach, I couldn’t have her.
I’m not good enough for that girl.
Not like Adrian.
Not like Holden.
And out on that dock, with the year fresh and waiting, I rejected Sierra Falco, walking away from what I knew would be the best thing in the world for me, and the absolute worst for her.
9
Sierra
“I’m not going to pressure you into going to the police. That’s your decision. And I’m not going to complain that I had to hear about Smith sleeping in his car all night outside your house from my boyfriend, but I am going to ask you, for the final time, to tell me what the hell happened between you two on New Year’s Eve.”
Katie says all of this through grunts of exertion. We’re pulling up the old carpet in the living room of the house. Fiber particles fly everywhere, and I pull the bandana I tied around my neck up over my mouth. Together we roll up the stained, old carpet and haul it outside, throwing it in the dumpster I had delivered earlier that da
y.
She gives me a stern look, obviously not ready to let me off the hook.
“Fine. Let’s get a drink and sit on the deck.”
We head back to the house, through the kitchen and out the back door. My father built this deck, positioned for the perfect sunset. It’s too early for that today, but the memories of sitting out here with my family hit hard as we walk out the door.
There are still a few chairs out here, most rusted and worn out, but Katie and I find two that look sturdy enough and sit down, propping our feet on the railing.
“Smith. Spill.”
I squirm in my seat and take a sip of my cold tea. “It’s not a big deal. We just had an incredibly awkward moment together that I’m sure we’d both like to forget. Or at least, I want to,” I mumble.
She sits up. “What kind of awkward moment are we talking about here? Passing gas? Off-color joke? Political argument? Nip slip?”
“Nip—” I shake my head. “It was none of those!” I take a deep breath and fight the humiliation bubbling in my chest. “I kissed him, okay? And he flat out rejected me.”
Her eyes bug wide and her jaw drops. “You kissed Smith.”
She nods.
“You kissed him.”
“Yes.”
“On the mouth?”
“Yes.”
Her head tilts. “With tongue?”
I drop my head in my hands, the embarrassment too much. “Yes.”
“And you say he rejected you, exactly what does that mean? I need to know every detail.”
“Jesus, Katie.”
“You held out on me for six months with this information. Six months! You owe me details!”