“Fine!” I shout, my voice echoing against the hills. “We were at the lake. It was after midnight. You and Robbie were off doing, well, whatever it is you two were doing. Adrian and Holden were setting off fireworks, and me and Smith were hanging out.” I push my braid over my shoulder. “I was a little drunk, and I think he was, too. We were getting along okay. Like, better than expected, since he can be so standoffish.”
She snorts. “That’s an understatement.”
“We just had…I don’t know, what I thought was a moment. So, I went for it. I live with four teenaged boys, all of them would die for a girl to make the first move. Apparently, Smith is not like most guys.” I think back to that kiss. The way, at first, he’d seemed a little startled, but then he’d leaned into it, our bodies brushing, his mouth moving. I’d gripped his waist, feeling the hard muscles underneath his sweater. But when I pushed up on my toes, and deepened the kiss, he’d pulled back abruptly. Really abrupt. He’d stared at me hard and mumbled something about fireworks and left me there on my own.
I tell Katie this, or most of it at least, and she listens intently. “Okay, so before he got spooked, how was it?”
“How was it?” She really does want all the details. “It was good. He’s a good kisser. “
She raises an eyebrow.
“Fine, an incredible kisser. Honestly, if he’d put his all into it, I probably would have melted on the floor. But he didn’t put his all into it. He was like, repulsed?” I shake my head. “It was so bad. So, so bad.”
“I just can’t believe that. It had to have been something else.”
“Really? Because every time I see him, he looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.” Well, except last night, when he just looked sorry for me. I must seem pathetic to him, needing help like that.
Katie leans back in her seat and stares out at the horizon. She takes a long drink of her tea and looks like she’s mulling something over. I’m not sure if I want to hear what she has to say or not. Finally, she exhales and says, “I think you and all of those guys, especially Smith, have more in common than you probably realize, and that probably freaks him the fuck out.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re not the only one that’s lost people important to you and have had to struggle to build a new family.” Her eyes flick to mine. “And you’re definitely not the only one struggling with the past and where to go in the future.”
My shoulders tense, feeling defensive. “You’re saying he rejected me because we’re too similar?”
“I’m saying maybe you need to get to know these guys better, Sierra. Open yourself up to them and maybe they’ll open up to you.”
“I never even said I wanted them in my life.”
She drains her tea and stands, annoyance lining her face. “That’s the problem, you never seem to want anyone in your life.”
“Wow, really?”
She grimaces. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but if you want something in your life, you’ve got to give a little. It took you six months to tell me something you could have told me at the time. We’re friends, Sierra. Or I think we are. It’s hard to tell with you running and putting up walls all the time. And the Rangers? They’ve made it clear they’re interested in you, even just as friends. And you just keep slamming that door over and over. Maybe Smith felt that from the beginning and that’s why he didn’t follow through on that kiss.” She heads to the door. “Maybe, he knew it wasn’t worth the potential heartbreak.”
She goes inside and a moment later I hear her car start up in the driveway. I’m stunned, stuck in my seat, trying to process what just happened. Katie is my friend, and I do trust her. I don’t mean to hold her at arms' length. And the rangers? I don’t even know what to do about that. The one guy I took a chance on shut me out. The other two scare me. How am I supposed to handle three hot guys, even if they’re just friends?
Especially when my body wants them to be anything but friends.
I rub my face.
This. This is why I keep to myself and work alone. Everything gets complicated. Messy.
I clean up the glasses and head back inside, knowing there’s a lot of work left to do. Something Katie says nags at me as I walk into the kitchen. She may be right about one thing: if Smith is worried about getting too close to someone out of fear of breaking his heart? We may be more alike than I realized.
“Seriously?”
I tap on the window, startling Smith out of sleep. He blinks and looks at me, the grimace on his face confirming he didn’t plan on being caught. I wait, hands on my hips, as he rolls down the window.
“Jesus, what time is it?” he asks, rubbing his face.
“Too fucking early for you to be sitting in my driveway. What the hell are you doing here?”
His jaw tightens. “I don’t like you being out here on your own.”
“So you think you can just sit in my driveway?” I stare at this man who has no obligation to me. “I can take care of myself, Smith.”
He gets out of the car, slow moving. He takes a second to stretch, grimacing when his back pops, probably out of line from sleeping in the car. Again.