Jackson snorted, already involved in a new game. “Or when we have our own?”
It was like the air in the room evaporated. Hayden’s entire body shifted, moving away from the playful stance so he could glare at Jackson. Anderson’s hand thrust in his hair and Oliver’s eyes narrowed. I glanced between them, the statement bouncing around my head. I’d known it was coming—there was no escaping it, but now? Like this? And the problem wasn’t just that Jackson brought up having kids—it was the guilty, concerned expression on the guys’ faces. They knew.
“Heaven,” Oliver said, frowning a little.
I shook my head, not wanting to hear anything he had to say. The feeling of playfulness vanished in my gut and was replaced with unease. Not now. I turned and walked toward the door, Sadie nipping at my heels.
“Babe.” I felt Hayden’s hand, gentle on my shoulder. I shrugged him away.
“Not now.”
“We’re going to have to talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Which was what you said when there was a shit-ton to talk about. I opened the door and let the dog pass through. “Have fun. I’ll be back later.”
“Heaven, wait—” Anderson called my name.
I shut the door—shut him out. There would be time for us to talk about this later, but not now. Not today.
14
Heaven
“So you just left.”
“Yeah, I left.”
“And then what?”
“I came here.” Sadie and I had shown up on Amber’s front door twenty minutes before. She took one look at me and the dog and let us in. “I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Well, you could have stayed and talked to them.”
“I’m not ready.”
“I’m not sure you have that choice. All Jackson did was make an innocent comment and you flipped out. You owe them the truth.”
“They already know. I saw it on their faces. They must have figured it out.” I sighed and rested my elbows on the kitchen table. “You know they gossip like school girls.”
She rolled her eyes. “They talk about you because they love you.”
I looked at my friend. She wasn’t showing much but there was a tiny bulge beneath her tight gray T-shirt. I was so happy for her, truly, but I was also jealous. Why did I have to make everything so difficult? Why couldn’t just this one thing be easy?
“What am I going to do
if they feel differently?” I asked. “What if they want kids? What if only two of them want kids and the other two don’t?”
“There are a million what-ifs in this scenario and none of them will get answered until you sit down with them and talk it over.”
A feeling of dread filled my stomach. “What if I lose them, Amber?”
She sighed and moved to my side of the table, bumping my hip with hers and wrapping her arm around me. “You guys have been through a lot—but avoiding stuff has never been the way to deal with it. Just talk to them, Heaven. Tell them what you want, what you’re feeling. They’ll understand.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Then it’s better to deal with it now than five years down the road, don’t you think?”
I knew she was right but the idea terrified me. They had stuck by me through a lot of rocky shit. I just didn’t think it was fair to do it again, but like we all know, life wasn’t fair. Not for me or the Allendale Four, at least.