“Done, done, and easy. I won’t tell Sports Illustrated about it until you’re ready. They’ll want an official photoshoot, but that can be done short notice if needed. After my last pushy editor, I’m not going to risk the story being released before any of you are ready.”
Damon smiles. “I knew you were the right guy for the job.”
“You mean apart from him being your client’s boyfriend?” Talon quips.
“I trusted Lennon before he even knew Ollie,” Damon says. “We ready to do this?”
“Yep. Let’s do it,” Talon says. His confidence hasn’t wavered, but the ill feeling in my stomach won’t go away.
Something isn’t sitting right with this, and I don’t know if it’s because I can practically feel Talon’s agent glaring daggers at me or if it’s still the off feeling from this morning.
This is what I’ve wanted nearly my entire adult life—Talon and me together.
It’s just nerves.
Alan stands over the other side of the room, his arms folded and a harsh scowl on his face. That makes it worse. I’m worried Alan brings up good points. He’s right when he says I don’t have much to lose. My career is rocky as it is. This will either make or break me. This might boost my career or kill it, but it will definitely give my profile a bump up in the celebrity world. I’ll go from being in the background of paparazzi shots to being the one they want a photo of. Talon’s already at that level, and his career has nowhere to go but down.
I don’t want to be responsible for that.
Now the seed’s been planted, it’s only downhill from here.
We shouldn’t be doing this.
Fuck, why did I think we were ready for this? We both went from knowing we had to stay quiet to suddenly sitting for articles that will paint us as a committed couple. Like the most committed couple to ever couple, and here I sit wondering if Talon is one hundred percent sure.
I should trust him. He’s been nothing but open since this whole thing started, but it’s fast. It’s superfast.
You’ve been in love with him since college. That’s not fast.
It’s superfast for Talon. He only realized he wasn’t straight a few months ago, and his agent certainly isn’t confident in our relationship.
The rational voice in my head tells me that nothing’s changed, but we’ve taken such small steps I haven’t noticed how far we’ve come, and now we’re here doing a coming out interview about our relationship, when we haven’t even said I love you to each other.
Talon’s putting a major risk on his career for a small chance this might actually work between us.
Everything flashes through my mind. I’ve spent years worrying about ex-lovers coming forward and outing me, and there’s nothing to stop them doing that if I’m outing myself to the world. All those women we’ve shared, every single detail of our private lives is going to be splashed all over the news.
I knew this coming in, but now it’s actually happening, I can’t think properly. My heart pounds and sweat drops off my brow. I think I’m having a panic attack.
I force myself to take deep breaths but that makes it worse.
“Shane,” Talon says, getting my attention.
“Sorry, what?” I glance around the room at the four pairs of eyes scrutinizing me.
“You okay?” Talon asks.
I stand. “Can we … have a minute?”
Lennon waves me off. “I need some time to get some questions together, so take however long you need.”
Alan looks hopeful that I’m about to pull the plug on this, but Damon doesn’t look happy. I take Talon’s hand and lead him to the bedroom of the suite, closing the double doors behind me.
“What’s wrong?” Talon asks.
“Nothing.” I run my hand through my hair. “Everything? Fuck, I don’t know. Alan has a point.”
“What point?”
“Don’t play dumb. I could hear you talking. He doesn’t want you to do this. I’m fucking everything up for you.”
“He doesn’t get a say.”
“Talon … I …” I close my eyes, because I can’t look at him as I say this. “Maybe this is too much.”
Talon realizes what I’m saying. “You don’t want to do this.”
“I can’t let us do this if we’re not one hundred percent sure.”
Maybe I’m lying to myself or maybe my words are the truth. Maybe I just need reassurance. I don’t know. All I know is I’m freaking out.
“You’re not sure? About us, about me … about what?” Talon frowns, and I want to do everything I can to make that go away, but I don’t know if I can do what he’s asking of me. Not yet.
“I don’t know. What if we’re going about it all wrong?”
“Wrong how?”
How can I expect Talon to understand when I don’t myself?
“We’ve been doing this for how many months, but we haven’t actually spoken about a future together. We’re willing to risk everything, and for what? Tell me what a future with us would look like. You say I’m worth the risk, but what happens when this all falls apart? We might not have football or each other.”