“What do you see?” Law asks softly.
Someone hurting. “Someone who doesn’t deserve to put up with my shit.”
“You’re probably right about that. He doesn’t deserve to put up with your shit, but he’s volunteering anyway.”
“Don’t you feel guilty about dragging Reed into our issues? You’re half as fucked up as me, and I know you do.”
“I won’t lie. I did in the beginning. Especially because it was our issues that led me to lie to him when we met. But that all changed when Reed decided to choose me in spite of all those complications. Just like Brody wants to choose you if you let him.”
“It’s too hard.”
“If you honestly think it’ll be too hard, then yes, you should walk away because no one deserves to be hurt that way, but you’re thinking it’s too hard for all the wrong reasons.”
“How so?” I hope Law can explain it to me, because I can’t make sense of anything right now—only my need to stay away.
“When I asked you just now what you see, you didn’t even mention Kyle, Brody’s father, the trial, or your assault. You’re worried about how he’s dealing.”
Law’s right. As I continue to stare at Brody across the restaurant, those bitter feelings that have been brewing every time I even think of him aren’t there. The thought of him coming home and telling me how he has to represent a murderer doesn’t fill me with worry about how I’m going to react to that.
All I care about is that Brody is hurting, and I’m the one who caused it.
I can be the one to stop it too.
Some things are able to be overcome. Some things aren’t.
I was terrified my brain had found a deal-breaker. An easy escape. An excuse to put all the work I’ve done since meeting him to waste.
Instead, it’s formed an unspoken vow—that no matter how big my desire to protect my heart is, the need to protect and love Brody is bigger.
In an instant, I’m out of my seat and approaching their table.
The adrenaline pumping through my veins makes my heart race and my mouth dry.
When Brody sees me, his eyes widen.
I can already see the assessing gaze over my body and back up to my face.
“Oh, Anders,” Reed says, his eyes comically wide in what I guess is supposed to be shock. “What a surprise.”
I stare down at him. “You’re an even worse liar than my brother.” I tilt my head in the direction of our table. “Go. I need to talk to Brody.”
Reed is out of his seat and by Law’s side faster than possible.
Brody keeps staring as I take the vacated seat, his expression stoic and totally intimidating.
Where do I start?
I take a deep breath. “I can’t promise much.”
He doesn’t say anything, so I keep going.
“But I miss you.”
Nothing.
“When I found out who your dad was, it wasn’t just you and me anymore. It was people, and well, I hate people.”
Brody finally loses the blank expression, though he’s trying desperately not to smile.
“Shit, no, I mean … Fuck, I don’t know what I mean. I was scared. Scared of your dad, scared of my ex … Oh, umm, I lied. My attack wasn’t random. It was actually my ex?” I don’t know why my voice goes up at the end like I’m unsure if that’s a question or a statement. “And I realise I should’ve told you sooner, but I couldn’t, and then—”
“Anders, I know everything.” His voice is the usual smooth tone that has the ability to calm me even when his words should elicit panic.
“Oh.”
“I know it’s a total violation of privacy, but you scared me too. I … I looked up your legal file. And then Kyle’s. Are … are you mad?”
I shake my head. “I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t say the words. I still can’t say them properly.”
“I’m not either of them. Your ex or my dad.”
God, I hate my brain. My elbows go to the tabletop as I put my head in my hands. “I know. But you’re a lawyer like your dad. You represent people like Kyle. I’ve known that all along but have somehow been able to compartmentalise the two. When your dad walked in …”
“If I’d known—”
My gaze snaps to his. “How could you though when I never said anything? I came over here to tell you I was wrong to run away and even more wrong to avoid you. But when those two worlds collided, I thought there wouldn’t be any more separating them. I couldn’t ignore what you do or who you are and thought I wouldn’t be able to look at you the same. When I thought of you, I always pictured your dad or Kyle.”
“I never wanted to hurt you like that. Ever.”
“It’s not your fault. Rationally, I know I can’t hold it against you, but as you’re aware, my anxiety doesn’t care what’s fair.”