Brody leans back in his seat. “You said you can’t promise much. What can you promise?”
“I want to promise you everything, but I can’t. Hurting you would kill me. I want us to work.”
An air of defeat surrounds him. “But you don’t know how to make that happen.”
This is harder than I thought it would be. I want to try, I want to go slow, but at the same time, I’m amazed I’ve been able to stay on this side of the table for this long.
“Sitting here, right now, all I can think about is reaching for your hand, or hell, getting up and walking the two small steps between us and kissing you until we forget that I ever freaked out.”
My heart is now beating in my ears, and I’m terrified of what he might say to that. Starting again might not be an option. No matter how much I want it to be.
“We both know you can’t do that.”
I lower my head, unable to keep eye contact with his blue, piercing eyes. “I know this is a setback, but—”
Brody’s commanding presence by my side catches me off guard, because I’m too distracted by my stupid mouth trying to make words. I don’t realise he’s beside me until it’s too late.
The surprising thing? I don’t recoil. Whatever progress we made together has stuck.
I was worried I’d go back to the edgy, unsure guy I always was around him when we first met.
Brody kneels beside me. “We can’t forget it because if we did that, we wouldn’t be able to learn from it. This isn’t a permanent step back. It’s one lesson in about a million we’ll learn together.”
“Together …” I croak.
A warm hand lands on my cheek. “You’re adorable if you think I’m letting you go. Do you forget how persistent I can be?”
“There’s persistent, and then there’s stupid. I’m still trying to figure out which one you are.”
“I’m stupidly persistent about being with you.”
“I think that speaks volumes about your intellectual level.”
“Dude, I’m the smartest person you know.”
I laugh because he’s not wrong.
“I’m going to kiss you now, in front of everyone in this crowded restaurant, because I’ve missed your lips. Almost as much as I’ve missed you.”
I can’t find my voice to say Fuck yes, but my mouth has it under control.
I’ve missed Brody. There’s no denying that. But once he closes the small gap, leaning up on his knees to kiss me, I feel the true extent of that longing in my bones. I miss him more even though his lips are on mine, his hand is caressing my cheek, and his body heat is so close I’m warm all over, like being covered by a thick blanket when I’ve been out in the cold for days.
My heart beats rapidly, and for the first time it’s not because I’m scared or triggered or nervous. It’s because my brain is finally catching up. It’s because my heart knows what it wants and what it has wanted all along, only now the darkness inside me is accepting it.
Brody’s not someone to fear.
Other things may challenge us and challenge my treatment, but Brody’s a constant. If it weren’t for his dad, I might not have ever realised that for myself.
I still hate his father. I don’t know how this could work without me having to see him. But he’s not Brody. Maybe if I repeat that over and over, one day I won’t need to remind myself of it.
I try to push all thoughts from my head and focus on the man in front of me.
My man.
Strong lips, demanding tongue, confidently claiming me.
Before I’m ready, though, it all disappears.
Brody pulls away. “Eventually, there’ll come a time when I won’t have to warn you I’m going to do that.”
I almost choke on the pressure he just dumped on me. “And if there isn’t?”
Instead of feeding me a dismissive lie of hope or playing it off like it might not be a possibility, he smiles. “Then we keep working at it. We’ll get through it all.”
“You say that as if it’s going to be easy.”
“I know it won’t be easy.”
“This isn’t the only freak-out I’m going to have.”
“I know that too.”
“Then what the fuck is wrong with you?”
Brody laughs. “Why are you being so argumentative?”
“No sane person voluntarily signs on for this shit.” I gesture to myself.
I’m in the middle of embracing this, fighting it, and believing it’s too good to be true.
“Well, you know what they say: sanity doesn’t have anything to do with love.”
Cue run-away sequence.
Brody holds me in place. “Before you start panicking again, you need to know I care about you. A lot. I might even love you, but we’re going to take this at your pace. I’ll go to therapy with you, I’ll stand by you, and I’ll do anything you need me to do.”