“You went to Sam within hours of him contacting you for the first time in years.” That he’s so fixated on this point is yet another knife in my heart.
“I can’t undo it, Declan, and I would if I could. But it wasn’t because I wanted to be with Sam or reconnect with him on a level that was anything other than business based. Whether we like it or not, he was a significant part of my life for several very pivotal years. Frankly, I needed closure and Spark House needs opportunities to grow. I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it, and I was prepared for that, but I thought we could have a discussion that would be reasonable rather than accusatory. I know you don’t want to hear this, Declan, but you need to talk to someone about this. Just like I did after my parents died, and then again after Sam.”
I turn back to my suitcase, tossing in whatever else will fit. I need to get out of here before one of us says something we regret. I have a feeling it will be Declan who does that first, given that he’s on the defensive and I’m too angry and hurt not to fight back. I zip my suitcase and heft it off the bed. It hits the floor with a heavy thud. “I sincerely hope that whatever choices you make tonight aren’t fueled by a need for unnecessary retribution.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I made a mistake. I own that.” I sigh and look at the ceiling, holding back tears. “The hardest part, Declan, is knowing how capable you are of being loyal and faithful, but you seem to need to prove the opposite to yourself to keep you safe from being hurt. You self-sabotage. I’ve watched you do it countless times, and you’re doing it again. Sleeping with one of your coworkers to get back at me for something I didn’t do isn’t going to make things better. Not for you, not for me, and certainly not for her or your job.” I wheel my suitcase across the room and Declan steps aside to let me pass. His expression is no longer full of spiteful ire, it’s just sad.
“If you want to talk this through, I’m willing, but I obviously can’t stay here. It’s not healthy for either of us. I’ll be back for the rest of my things as soon as I can arrange to have them picked up. I’ll email you to let you know when, so you can plan where you want to be when that happens.” We’ll have to talk about what’s going to happen with the condo, since I own half of it, but I’m not ready to tackle that issue yet. I leave him standing there, so many things left unsaid, and wonder if I’m destined for a life full of unfinished relationships and love that can’t ever be fully realized.
* * *
I hire movers, and as promised, I email Declan to let him know the time and date. I’m hopeful he’ll reach out to talk, but all I get is a thumbs-up in response. Unwilling to put myself through any more unnecessary heartbreak, I get London to supervise the removal of the rest of my things from the condo, most of which goes into storage. I don’t ask about Declan and she doesn’t offer up any information, but she hasn’t fired Declan when it comes to our financial portfolio, which says a lot.
I throw myself back into work and physical therapy, and piece by piece, I put together the site for London’s Etsy store, asking her to make an extra centerpiece for every event and squirreling them away in one of the storage rooms I know she never goes in. I also put the opportunity to work with Sam on hold, which thankfully he understands. Even if Declan and I can’t be fixed, I’m not sure it’s worth it. London and Harley back me, telling me whatever I think is best. I’m not sure it’s best for Spark House, but right now it’s best for me to let things settle before I make any decisions.
Since Declan and I split up, I’ve messaged the guys, but I haven’t seen them. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I have my sisters, and Declan needs their support now more than ever.
At three weeks post-breakup and move out, I finally cave and take Jerome up on an offer for a beer and wings night at his place, without Declan. He pulls me into a tight hug the second he opens the door. “We missed you, Ave. It hasn’t been the same without you.”
“I missed you guys too.” I struggle not to give in to the emotion and go with a joke, instead. “It feels a lot like we’re in a custody battle over the kids. Thank God we never gave in and got that dog Declan was always talking about.”