“Yeah, well, I think Deck might seriously be considering the dog,” Jerome mutters.
I follow him down the hall and into the living room, where Mark is setting up the coffee table with a huge spread of super unhealthy food.
As soon as he sees me, he abandons the bowl of chips to envelop me in a hug. This time I’m unsuccessful at keeping my emotions in check and end up in tears. I miss my friends, I miss hanging out, I miss the connection, and most of all, I miss Declan.
“How are you? Have you lost weight? Here, take a plate and load up.” Mark motions to the snacks spread across the coffee table, all of them my favorites.
In the past few weeks I have most definitely lost weight, not a ton, but enough that it’s noticeable. I’m starting to get my appetite back, but heartbreak takes its toll on me—mind, body, and heart. And Declan’s silence eats at me. I want to know how he’s doing. I want to force him to talk to me so I can tell him how important he is to me. That we’re worth the fight.
“How are you guys? Tell me everything that’s been going on. I want all the details.” I sit back and listen as Mark relays another one of his terrible online dating stories. It’s nice to hang out with them again, but there’s a hole in the group now, one I created when I pushed Declan outside the boundaries of our friendship.
“We miss you at game night.” Mark gives me a small, sad smile. “It’s really not the same without you.”
“Snacks have gone downhill. Last week Declan burned everything because he forgot to set the timer on the oven when he put the appetizers in,” Jerome adds.
“Tell me he didn’t set off the fire alarm.” It’s happened before, and if we can’t get it to stop beeping fast enough, it triggers a call to the fire department and they end up evacuating the entire building. Winter in the middle of a snowstorm is not a great time to be standing outside in jammies and slippers.
“He managed to get it to stop before the alarm went off, but the smell was pretty rank. He said the couch still stinks like charred spring rolls.”
I laugh, but my voice cracks, and I ask the question I’ve been avoiding: “How is he?”
The guys exchange a look, and Mark says, “He’s pretty miserable, Ave.”
“We had to stage an intervention because all he was doing was drinking beer and eating shit food. We got it, he was in the moping phase and stuff, but the place was literally a maze of empty take-out boxes.” Jerome rolls his beer between his palms. “He knows he messed up, and not just because of the way he lost it on you, but with the whole thing, starting with picking up that random at the bar before you were supposed to go to that alumni meeting. He’s had feelings for you for a long time, longer than he wanted to admit to himself or to us, but we could all see it. Even back in college when you were with Sam. He’s trying to work through it. It’s a lot for him to figure out.”
“I wish he would reach out. He won’t even message me back.”
Jerome pushes his glasses up his nose. Usually he wears contacts, but not tonight. “He started seeing a therapist last week.”
“He did?” That’s a shocker. In the past, Declan blew off the idea of therapy as silly.
They nod in unison.
“Wow, that’s … great.” My heart clenches. Declan has always been good at keeping his feelings bottled up. He’s a master at hiding his hurt, at least until he can’t anymore. “How has that been going for him?”
“He doesn’t love it.” Jerome’s smile is wry.
I laugh. “I can imagine.”
“He knows he needs it, though, so he goes twice a week. He kind of lost his shit after you left. It was really a perfect storm for him. I guess the night he freaked out on you he got a call from his mother.”
“What kind of call?” Usually he calls her on birthdays and always sends her gifts, but conversations are generally strained. Most of the time he’d go to the condo gym right after a call and take out his frustration on a punching bag. Or he’d hit the club and find other ways to expend that energy.
“I guess his dad got caught cheating by wife number three? Four?” Jerome looks to me for confirmation.
“Number four.”
“Right, so I guess the wife went and posted all over social media, and Declan’s mom called to warn him. You know what that looks like.”
“She did what she always does and put him in the middle of it.” I rub my temple. “And then he saw the message from Sam and freaked out.”