Still . . . she had this tiny, aching hope that her mother would come back, that Lauren would look up one day and see her.
Angie put an arm around Lauren, pulled her close.
The music started.
Lauren leaned forward. Below, the kids ran for their seats.
One by one the graduates of Fircrest Academy walked across the stage, took their diplomas from the principal, and moved their tassel from one side to the other.
"David Ryerson Haynes," the principal said.
The applause was thunderous. The kids cheered for him, screamed his name. Laurens voice was lost in the crowd.
He walked across the stage as if he owned it.
When he was back in his seat, Lauren relaxed. She didnt tense up again until they reached the Rs.
"Dan Ransberg . . . Michael Elliot Relker . . . Sarah Jane Rhenquist . . . "
Lauren leaned forward.
"Thomas Adams Robards. "
She sat back, trying not to be disappointed. Shed known they wouldnt call her name. After all, shed graduated last semester, but still . . .
Shed hoped. Shed worked so hard for so many years. It didnt seem right that now she sat up here while her friends were down there.
"Its just a ceremony," Angie whispered, leaning close. "Youre a high school graduate, too. "
Lauren couldnt help feeling sorry for herself. "I wanted it so much," she said. "The cap and gown . . . the applause. I used to dream Id be class speaker. " She laughed bitterly. "Instead Im the class joke. "
Angie looked at her. There was a heavy sadness in her eyes. "I wish I could make everything okay. But some dreams just pass us by. Its the way life is. "
"I know. I just . . . "
"Want. "
Lauren nodded. That was as good an answer as any. She leaned against Angie and held her hand as the names droned on.
The ceremony lasted another forty-five minutes and then it was over. The three of them melted into the laughing, talking crowd and moved to the football field, where huge tents had been set up to hold off the rain. So many cameras flashed that it looked like the paparazzi had arrived.
Dozens of friends came up to Lauren, waving at her, welcoming her back.
But she saw the way they wouldnt look at her stomach and the poor Lauren in their eyes, and it made her feel stupid all over again.
"There he is," Angie said at last.
Lauren stood on her toes.
There he was, standing with his parents. She let go of Angies hand and hurried through the crowd.
When David saw her, his smile faded for a split second. Only that, and then he was smiling again, but shed seen it, and she knew.
He wanted to be with his friends tonight, wanted to do what the Fircrest grads always did on this night--go down to the beach, sit around a bonfire and drink beer and laugh about their years together.
He didnt want to sit quietly with his whale of a girlfriend and listen to her litany of aches and pains.
She stumbled to a stop in front of him.