If You Believe

"Good luck, Dad. "

"I wont need luck. Ive got love. " Still grinning, Mad Dog raced across the snowy yard and bounded up the sagging porch steps. He turned the knob quietly and went inside.

The house welcomed him in the way it always had, with warmth and comfort and quiet. He heard the crackling sputter of a fire in the sitting room, and the hissing pop of cooking bacon.

He closed the door gently and moved toward the kitchen.

Mariah was in the corner, kneeling in front of the icebox. It took him a moment to notice that she wasnt wearing brown. Her hair was drawn back in a loosely woven braid that brushed the floor behind her, its tail caught up in a frayed pink ribbon. Her dress was pale blue, sprigging with tiny yellow flowers. She stood up and turned around. He leaned casually against the doorframe and crossed his arms, smiling at her. "Hiya, darlin. "

"Matt . . . " she breathed. The yellow crockery bowl in her hands crashed to the floor and shattered. "Im back. "

She stared at him, her mouth parted, her cheeks brightened with spots of color. For a second, her gaze was liquid and warm and welcoming. Then she stiffened. Her face hardened into that austere, disapproving pinch he knew so well. "No, youre not. " "Huh?"

"Good comeback, Matt. " She dried her hands on a soggy dish towel and stepped backwards. "I said, youre not back. Youre here. Theres a difference. " He frowned.

"Im back. "

She tried to smile, but her eyes were cold and wary, untrusting. "Thats wonderful for Jake. Hes missed you. The bunkhouse will be ready on Saturday, as usual. Until then, you may use your bedroll. "

Shes mad, thats all. You can handle a riled-up woman. Mad Dog gave her his best sexy grin and moved toward her, looping his thumbs through the fraying waistband of his Levis. "How bout you, darlin, did you miss me?"

"I missed you," she said tightly, "for a while. "

He halted, stunned. "And you stopped?

She smiled. "And I grew up. " Her eyes met his, and this time there was no wariness in her gaze, no coldness. Only a solemn honesty. "You changed me, Matt. First by coming into my life, and then by leaving it. Ive learned I can take care of myself. "

Mad Dog felt off balance, unsure of himself. Hed thought shed throw herself at him and smother him with kisses until he couldnt breathe. Hed envisioned it just that way a thousand times, imagined their hot, wet, hard reunion. It had never once oc

curred to him that there wouldnt be a reunion at all.

The thought made him feel queasy, lost. He sighed, ran a hand through his shoulder-length hair. He couldnt have come this far only to lose the only woman hed ever loved. Ever would love.

He licked his dry lips and looked at her. This time there was no cocky grin, no sexy smile. There was just pain and honesty and hope. "I want to change your life again,"

he said softly, "by staying. "

She flinched. "Then stay in the bunkhouse. "

"You dont understand. "

"No, you dont understand. You . . . " Her voice cracked. Tears filled her eyes and she looked away. "You broke my heart. . . . I dont want you anymore. "

Mad Dog felt her pain. Regret and shame coiled around his heart, squeezing until it hurt to breathe. He dug deep in his pocket for the cheap tin ring hed bought in Albuquerque. He pulled it out, dusted it off, and wished to hell it were gold. "I love you, Mariah, and I want to marry you. I want you and Jake and me to be a real, honest-to-God family. "

She didnt look at him or the ring. "Ha. "

"I . . . I stopped off at the Lonesome Creek Ledger and got a writing job. "

She gasped and looked at him. "You got a job?"

He smiled. "Writin articles twice a week. I figure thatll help us pay some bills and still give me time to manage the orchard. "

She clasped her hands and looked away again. "Oh. "

He felt a moments weakness, a hesitation on her part. "Marry me. "

She closed her eyes and breathed heavily, then slowly opened them and looked at him. "No. I cant trust you to stay. "