Distant Shores

"At least ten pounds, honey. Your clothes hang on you. " Her mouth tightened in disapproval. " Course the baggy sweats youve been wearing would hang on Mama Cass. "

There it was again, the familiar sniping and criticism that had stained their relationship for years. Just smile and go on, she thought, or itll be a long visit. "I guess exercising was the key all along. "

"I do yoga myself. "

Elizabeth hadnt known that. Come to think of it, she didnt know much about Anitas life apart from Edward. She jumped on that; it gave them something to talk about. "What else do you do? At home, I mean. "

"Regular things, I guess. I belong to a book club that meets once a month. Last month we read The Hours. I play bridge with the girls every Thursday morning. I volunteer at the womens shelter on Tuesdays. I knit enough afghans to cover a small country. Course your daddy took up most o my time. " She stopped, fell silent for a long time. Then, softly, she said, "I dont dream about him. Every night I go t bed, waitin to see him . . . but he doesnt come. "

Elizabeth knew that feeling. "Ive waited my whole life to dream about Mama. Its never happened. "

"Its like losin him a second time," Anita said. After another long pause, she added, "I always knew Id outlive him. I thought I was prepared for it. What a fool I was. You cant prepare for losin someone you love. "

Elizabeth knew there was nothing for her to say. Grief was like the ocean in front of them; waves kept rolling toward you, and sometimes, the tide swelled high enough to pull you under. Usually, it had to be handled alone, in the dark, when you were most afraid. But maybe Anita had come to Echo Beach because the dark was too quiet. Maybe she needed to talk about Daddy. "How did you and Daddy meet?" Elizabeth asked.

Anita gave her a grateful smile. "I was working in the beauty salon. Lordy, I still remember the first time I saw him. He looked like a Saturday-matinee hero, with his shaggy black hair and dark eyes. He had a mustache in those days, and his eyes were dark as night. I turned to my friend, Mabel, and said, Oh, baby, will you look at that. " She sighed. "I reckon I fell in love with him right then. Course, he barely noticed me at all. "

Elizabeth frowned. Daddy had shaved off that mustache the year after Mama died. Hed never worn one since. "When was that?"

Anita didnt look at her. "It doesnt matter. "

"You knew my mother," Elizabeth said suddenly, straightening.

Anita started to speak--to deny it, Elizabeth was certain. But when their eyes met, Anita sighed heavily and slumped forward. "Not really. She was with him that day, though. Mabel cut her hair. "

"Did you talk to her?"

"Me? Naw. I was just out of beauty school. No one paid me much mind. "

"Tell me abou

t her. "

"I dont know much, really. I heard stories, o course. The second wife always hears stories about the first. By all accounts, your mama was the most beautiful, most adventurous woman in Springdale. "

"Ive heard that line for years. Its starting to sound rehearsed. Tell me something real. Why wouldnt Daddy ever talk about her?" She gazed at Anita. "Please. "

"Before you were born, your mama ran away for a spell. "

"She left Daddy?"

"In the middle of the night, from what I heard. It took him a while to find her. She was way to North Carolina by then, but he tracked her down and brought her home. After that, folks said, she was different. Sad and quiet. Jenny Pilger saw her break into tears one day at the Piggly Wiggly. "

"Depression. " Elizabeth had never imagined such a thing. Her mama, the woman everyone said was so bold and adventurous, depressed. She didnt quite know how to process this new information.

"She loved you. Old Anna Deaver said that Marguerite never let you out of her sight. She even slept with you most nights. Wouldnt let anyone watch you, ever. But the rumor was that she never did shake that sadness. Some said she clung to you so tightly they thought your little eyesd pop out. She stopped smilin. Thats what I heard most of all. That shed left her smile in North Carolina, and she couldnt even come up with one for you. "

"I used to beg him for stories about her. He never would say anything beyond, You hold your memories close, sugar beet. But I didnt have any memories. Not enough, anyway. " Shed never been able to make him understand the howling emptiness shed felt as a child.

"Maybe he didnt have any stories to give you. Sometimes unhappiness can settle over a thing and bury it until theres nothin else left. "

Nothing else left. Just unhappiness.

Elizabeth knew how that felt now. "Thats how it got between Jack and me. "

"Its easy, sometimes, to forget why you fell in love with someone. " Anita stared out at the ocean. "I left him once, you know. "

"No, I didnt know. Not then, anyway. "