Distant Shores

"How would you, I guess, livin so far away, and your own life on top of it? Edward wasnt the kind of man whod tell his only child that his marriage had gone missin. "

"You could have told me. "

"On one of our long, soul-searchin mother-daughter talks? Honey, you barely said hello to me when you called. "

"Where did you go?"

"That doesnt matter. It didnt even matter then. Away, thats all. " She sighed, and Elizabeth wondered if that memory hurt more now that he was gone.

"Maybe we shouldnt talk about this. "

Anita was quiet for a moment. The ocean whooshed toward them, tumbled lazily across the sand and slunk away again. "He overwhelmed me sometimes. He was so hungry for everything, so needy, and I was young when we got married. I didnt know what I wanted. So I lived his life. For a long time, that was okay. "

Elizabeth knew that feeling. Jack and her father had that in common. Both men were like the sun; everything ultimately orbited around them. In the beginning, that was okay, but as you grew older, things changed. You started to see the roads you hadnt taken, and you wondered, What if . . . ?

Anita brought her knees up and curled her arms around her ankles. She started to turn toward Elizabeth, then looked down at her wedding ring instead. "I wanted to have a child. "

Elizabeth remembered that night in the garden, when shed blithely asked Anita why she hadnt had kids.

"Oh, honey, thats a question for another time, maybe between different women. "

"In other words, mind my own business. "

"Yes. That question cuts to the heart of me, is all. Im not goin to answer it as idle chitchat at midnight two days after my husbands death. "

It must have wounded Anita deeply to hear that question asked aloud.

"I knew Id be alone one day," Anita went on, fiddling with her wedding ring. "I thought a baby would help. So, after Edward and I got back together, we tried. I had three miscarriages. All boys. Each one took a bigger piece of me, until . . . " She shrugged. "Three was enough, I guess. I figured God knew what he was doing. "

Elizabeth felt herself softening toward Anita, glimpsing a woman shed never imagined before. It felt strangely like coming home. "I had a miscarriage once," she said softly, surprising herself by the admission. "I never told anyone except Jack. It about broke my heart. " She touched her stepmothers ankle, squeezing it gently. It was the first time shed ever done such a thing.

Anita made a sound, a tiny gasp, then turned to her. "I have something for you. I brought it all the way from Tennessee. And it wasnt easy. "

None of this was easy, Elizabeth thought but didnt say. Instead, she helped her stepmother to her feet. They climbed up the rickety wood steps and emerged onto the soggy grass.

When they reached the porch, Elizabeth noticed the big cardboard box leaning against the house. "I wondered what was in that thing. "

Anita rushed into the house and came back out, holding a knife. "Open it. "

Elizabeth took the knife and split the box down the seam.

"You ought to put it down," Anita advised.

Elizabeth slid the box onto the slatted porch floor. It hit with a loud metallic clang. She knelt down and opened the box.

Inside, she saw shiny green poles . . . white knotted rope.

"Its Daddys hammock. "

"Yall used to snuggle together in that thing for hours, rockin back and forth. I remember hearin your giggles from the kitchen while I was cookin dinner. "

Suddenly Daddy was there, beside her. Heya, sugah beet, hand your old daddy one o them sweet lemonades, wontcha?

"We used to watch the fireflies together," Elizabeth whispered, remembering it in vivid detail. "They flew all around us when we were in this hammock. "

"Hed want you to have it," Anita said. "Itd be perfect over there by the stairs, so you can sleep in it on a sunny day and listen to the ocean below . . . and remember how much he loved you. "

Elizabeth finally looked up at Anita, her eyes stinging. She couldnt say anything, not even thank you.