Elizabeth knew he wouldnt have thought that--let alone said it--a few months ago. "I guess were both learning a few things about ourselves lately. "
"Im not the father I thought I was. " He looked surprised by the admission, as if he hadnt meant to voice it. "Without you, the girls and I have nothing to talk about. They think Im an idiot. "
This was a new side to Jack, vulnerable. It changed him somehow, shifted the balance of power between them. She felt as if they were friends, talking about their kids. "Theyre nineteen and twenty, Jack; they think anyone who remembers Kennedy should be in a nursing home. I used to treat Anita the same way. "
"Jamie rolls her eyes at you, too?"
"Of course. Usually right before she says, Hel-lo Mom, could you please get real? And Stephanie gives me that wounded deer-eye blink and shuts up until she gets her way. Theyve been perfecting the act since sixth grade. They could take it on the road. "
"How do you handle it?"
"On a good day, I ignore them. On a bad day, I get my feelings hurt. Fortunately, there are more good days than bad. " She saw his frown and asked, "What is it, Jack?"
Minutes ticked past before he answered. "Were going to have to tell them, arent we?"
She almost touched him then, but something held her back. Fear, maybe. If she touched him now, when her heart was swollen and tender, it might begin again, and she wasnt ready for that. This journey of hers wasnt finished yet. "Yes. "
"Theyll blame me, you know. "
"Ill tell them it was my choice. "
"It wont matter. "
"Theyre practically grown-up, Jack. Theyll understand. And we wont mention divorce, just separation. "
He smiled, but it was bleak and bitter. "We can call it anything we want. Hell, call it a vacation, but theyre not stupid. Ill lose them. "
Suddenly she was afraid, too. "Maybe we wont have to tell them. Maybe they wont have noticed that anythings wrong between us. "
"Birdie," he said, smiling sadly at her. "My dreamer. "
She wasnt quite sure why, but the way he said it made her want to cry. "We havent made a decision about the future, Jack. Were just taking a break. Thats all. Theres still a chance for us," she said fiercely.
He touched her face gently, as if she were spun from glass that hed broken long ago. "I want to believe that. "
"Me, too. "
TWENTY-FIVE
It was late Saturday afternoon when the shit hit the fan.
Jamie was sitting cross-legged on the floor by the fire. Her small, pointed chin was jutted out in the bulldog expression Jack knew meant trouble. "Okay, you guys, spill it. "
Stephanie, in the rocking chair in the corner of the room, paled visibly.
"You want me to ask it another way?" Jamie said, her voice rising. "Steph and I arent idiots. We know something is going on between you two. "
"Leave me out of it," Stephanie said.
Elizabeth, who was sitting on the sofa, tucked her legs up underneath her. She didnt answer.
Obviously, she was leaving it up to Jack. That had always been their pattern. Elizabeth decided what the girls could and couldnt do, and Jack was the bad guy who laid down the law, the one who gave them a "talking to" when Elizabeth was unhappy with their grades.
"So?" Jamie demanded again.
The girls looked at Jack. They knew: All bad news came from Dad.
He ga