He rolled his eyes. “This conversation is…it’s driving me crazy. I don’t want you to work for me, Erin. I want you to move in with me. Let me cover your last semester’s tuition. It’s not a big deal.”
She stared at him in shock. They’d never discussed her living here. For a moment she allowed herself to imagine. The beautiful, comfortable home she could come back to at the end of a school day. Reading outside on the deck, watching the wooded land behind where deer were occasionally spotted. Climbing into bed with him every night.
God, she wanted that so much. But not like this.
“Absolutely not,” she said.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not okay for you to take care of me this way. Once I’ve graduated and I have a regular job, then I’ll consider moving in. And paying for my share of things.”
“Jesus, Erin.”
“That’s not unreasonable. That’s how people do things.”
He shook his head. “I’m not your mother’s employer. I’m not going to try and take advantage of you.”
She jerked back, removing herself from him, allowing the air between them to cool her. “That’s not fair. This isn’t about her.”
Though maybe it was a little about her—and not only because of Doug’s father. There had been other families. Other men. Other times her mother came home with red-rimmed eyes and bruises on her wrists. So maybe this was about her mother, just a little. Men had taken advantage of her mother in a way that Blake never would, but she wasn’t totally comfortable with living under a man’s control.
Their relationship was already uneven, but not in the ways that he thought about. Not because she was beautiful and he was scarred, which was what he thought.
He was older. She was younger.
He came from a wealthy family with a legacy in politics.
She had recited a number to get a free lunch in school.
He was smart and accomplished—even if he currently lived in reclusion—and she was just another grad student. Paying her own way with him was important. So even when he sat up and took her hands
in his, she fortified herself.
“Be with me,” he said with a soft, pleading note in his voice, and she almost, almost broke at that. What more could she want than to be with him? No money or school or frowning disapproval of society to block them.
“I don’t care how we work it out. I don’t care about the money. Take it, I’ll sign it all over to you. You’ll own the house, and I can live here at your mercy.”
She did smile then, at the silly idea of that. Of her as some heiress and him bowing at her feet. Yes, silly but also sweet, because she believed he really didn’t care. But as much as she loved him, as much as she knew he did understand tragedy in this world, she knew that only the rich thought money didn’t matter. He’d never had to urge his mother to call the cops only to have her mother explain that if she made a fuss, any other jobs in town would go away. Even if he would never abuse it, she couldn’t give him that kind of power over her.
“There’s another reason I can’t graduate this semester.”
“Tell me.” He squeezed her hands in his, comforting her even as she pushed him away.
“Remember I told you I needed one class aside from my thesis?” When he nodded, she continued, “Well, one of them didn’t have a professor listed when I enrolled. It’s happened before. Sometimes things aren’t finalized early on and they fill it in later. So when I went to the bookstore, I saw they’d filled in the name of the professor. Someone new.”
He stared at her. “No.”
“Yeah. It was you. I guess it makes sense…a senior-level discussion course. I should have put it together sooner, but I thought you were going to teach ancient history.”
“I looked at the student roster. There was no Erin.”
“Erendira,” she said, feeling shy. She had been naked with him a hundred ways, but he didn’t know her real name. “No one could ever pronounce it. Not even the teachers in elementary school. And it just made me feel different from everyone.”
“Erendira,” he said, tasting the word. It sounded sweet on his lips.
“It means princess. My mom is something of a romantic.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to postpone your graduation. I’ll quit.”