Deep 6 (Multiple Love)

"Do you want to type the zip code in?"

He hands me his phone, and I punch the address into his app. We're on our way in no time, with only the noise of the air-conditioning and engine for company.

The awkwardness feels terrible.

"Thanks for doing this," I say to break the silence. "I'm sure that you have better things to be doing…working…"

"It's okay. The boys have all the jobs at the shop under control."

"Still. This is…it's a lot."

He turns to me, taking his eyes from the road for a few seconds. "It's nothing, Sandy." He nods as though I'm supposed to take more from those three words, and I do. He means it's nothing compared to leaving me without saying goodbye—nothing for going without explanation.

And it is nothing in comparison to all that we've been and all that we lost.

"Connie will be happy," I say.

"Who's the lucky guy? Is it someone I know?"

I pause for a moment, thinking how to answer his question, but there's no softening the answer when we'll be there soon, and he'll see for himself.

"Guys," I say. "She's marrying four men."

"FOUR?" He turns to me again, and I point at the road.

"Four brothers. They're in a polyamorous relationship. A reverse harem."

"Reverse harem?"

"Yeah, you know. Like a king with lots of concubines, except she's a queen with lots of kings."

I grin as he whistles long and low. "Connie?"

The disbelief in his voice is too funny. "I felt the same when I heard about her situation. She was even suggesting I should meet her boyfriends' cousins to see if I wanted the same kind of relationship."

"Oh yeah," Tyler says, all bright and breezy, but I know him well enough to know he's taking my bait.

"Yeah… They're ranchers, five of them."

"Five?"

"Yeah." I leave that hanging for a while, watching Tyler's jaw ticking out of the corner of my eye. When I think he's stewed long enough, I put him out of his misery. "It didn't work out, though."

"Connie didn't seem the type," he mutters uncomfortably.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, she…I don't know." He stumbles over the last words as though he's regretting his statement.

"Who would seem the type?"

"Someone with looser morals, I guess." Looser morals. Is that what he's insinuating that I have? Well, fuck him. He lost the right to think anything about my morals or lack of them a long time ago.

"It isn't just about sex," I tell him, with a bite in my tone. "It's about love. Love between five people that transcends societal constructs. Love that battles every day against prejudice."

Tyler nods, his hands clutching the wheel just a little tighter. "I get that," he says. "Love isn't always easy."

I grit my teeth and purse my lips, his comment slicing at my skin. It takes a few deep breaths to steady myself enough to reply because what I say next is important. "Love is very simple, Tyler. Love is honest and kind. It's selfless and sacrificing. It's believing that someone is as important as you are and always treating them as you would like to be treated. It's everything."

His head droops, and his eyes drift closed, then he shakes his head and refocuses on the road. His knuckles whiten as he grips even harder. "I'm sorry."

A sound leaves my throat that I haven't made for three years. I promised myself that crying over Tyler was in my past. I promised that I'd never give him that power again. But when I made that promise, I thought he was always going to be a ghost. I never believed I'd hear those two words that have torn my heart out all over again and left it pulsing and bloody in my palms.

"Shit," Tyler mutters, glancing at me as bitter tears spill over my cheeks.

"I can't do this now," I gasp, swiping at my face. There will be no point in Tyler driving me to Connie's wedding if I weep my makeup off and am too emotionally wrecked to put on a brave face. "Can we just pretend that we're two old friends…just pretend that none of it happened?"

Tyler's jaw ticks again as he grits his teeth. My eyes drift down, finding a date tattooed into his skin. It's the date three months after he left me—three months into my sadness. "Of course," Tyler finally says. "Whatever you need."

I turn my body away from him, twisting so my knees are resting against the door of the truck and my line of vision is fixed through the window. I stay that way until I've swallowed down all my emotions and pressed them into the box that I made to keep them safely away from my heart.

When we pull into the lot of the hall where Connie's wedding is in full swing, I straighten up, smoothing my skirt and patting my hair into place. I run my finger beneath my eyes to pick up any mascara smudges and inhale a deep, steadying breath.