“And Dad? How did he find out about the two of you?”
“We talked before the trial. He didn’t understand why I would grow marijuana for a friend, a friend I’d met through my salon. Why would I risk so much? And he kept digging and digging until I cracked. I told him I did it because I was in love with Rose.”
“You loved her more than you loved me.”
Rory shook her head over and over. “No. I have never nor will I ever love anyone the way I love you.”
“Yet, you chose to do something that took you away from me.”
Her head continued to shake as she squeezed her eyes shut. “I … I wasn’t for one minute thinking I would get caught. I wasn’t thinking that someone would break into my shop and therefore bring the police right to me.”
“Well it happened. So do you regret it?”
Rory hesitated. That was my answer.
“I’ll sleep at the airport.” I stomped past her.
“Wait! No! Just …” She grabbed my arm, her hand sliding down to my wrist as she inched her body to hunch in front of me, head hanging low. “Yes …” Her voice broke.
I didn’t want to cry for her. She didn’t deserve my tears. Rory destroyed our family. She destroyed us.
“Yes …” She sobbed. “I regret the st-stupidity and r-recklessness. I regret risking s-so much when you were … are my w-world. I’m so very sorry.”
Her honesty and apology meant something, but I wasn’t sure what. I needed time to think. After believing one thing for five years, I wasn’t able to erase my thoughts and feelings to embrace her version of the story. Not yet.
“I’ll be back Sunday, but I don’t know if I’ll stay here. I just … don’t know.” I pulled away as she continued to sob.
I arrived in Houston by noon on Saturday. My grandparents took me to lunch. I put on a brave face and gushed about how much fun I’d been having in Colorado. An interesting mix of truths and lies.
On the way back to their house after we left the restaurant, I got a text from Fisher.
If you’re not dead, text Rory and tell her you made it safely to Houston. Don’t be a total asshole about it.
I read the text three times to verify what I was seeing on my screen. Fisher was calling me an asshole, or at least a partial one since he insinuated not texting Rory would make me a “total asshole.”
Like the impure and sinful thoughts that often made their way into my head, but were never allowed to leave my head, I typed my knee-jerk response knowing I would never actually send it. Sending it would be equivalent to saying it, and I would never say this to anyone, not even Fisher.
Reese: Go fuck yourself!
I smiled at the screen, allowing myself to enjoy my bravery for just a few seconds before deleting it and responding with a WWJD attitude.
“Stay in your lane!” Grandpa honked the horn as he quickly swerved, moving my thumb just enough to send the text.
It sent.
“Oh my gosh,” I whispered.
“You okay, honey?” Grandma looked over her shoulder at me.
On a thick swallow, I nodded slowly, but I wasn’t okay. I was horrified.
My phone vibrated with a new text from Fisher.
I’ll let her know you’re not dead.
I was in a quandary. Reply? Tell him it was a mistake? Autocorrect? Would my autocorrect default to go fuck yourself?
I didn’t text him back.
Instead, I focused on my grandparents, got ready for the party, fielded a million questions at the party about my summer in Colorado, and made it to bed just after ten.
The next morning, we attended church service and fellowship dinner. More questions. More fake smiles and half-truths.
On the way to the airport that afternoon, I picked my grandma’s brain.
“I work with someone who is gay. She’s so nice and so is her girlfriend. Do you think that’s wrong?”
“Of course it’s wrong, Therese. The Bible says unnatural desire is an abomination punishable by eternal fire. You know this.”
I nodded once while twisting my lips.
“You should pray for her.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Do you think it’s worse than any other sexual immorality?”
“It’s not my job to judge that, but I know your friend will not be welcomed in Heaven if she doesn’t stop her actions and accept Christ as her savior.”
“Well …” I bit my thumbnail. “Saying that sounds like you are in fact judging her.”
“No. I’m simply stating what the Bible says. I tell you, I don’t envy your generation. This LGB etcetera etcetera stuff has gotten way out of hand. I don’t understand why everyone feels the need to stand out.”
“I’m uh … I’m not sure it’s about standing out. What if it’s just about fitting in? What if they just want to be themselves without being seen as different or inferior or less worthy? I’m just … thinking aloud.”