“I’m worried your friend is brainwashing you. Honestly, I worried that your time in Colorado would be difficult on you. I really hope you’re not skipping church. I hope you’re spending time in God’s word every day.”
Looking out the window, I murmured, “Yeah, I am.”
After landing in Denver, I took my time getting my car and making my way home. To my disappointment, Fisher and Rory were on his front porch, drinking beer and it was nearly dark.
Rory gave me a reserved smile as I wheeled my carry-on suitcase up the driveway. “Hey, how was your trip?”
“It was just overnight, barely a trip, but it was fine.”
“Did they have a nice anniversary party?”
I nodded.
Things were so awkward. After leaving Rory in tears, with the uncertainty as to whether or not I’d ever forgive her, and sending Fisher a F-you text, I wasn’t sure what to say.
“I’m going to go unpack and do a load of laundry.”
“Need help?” Rory asked.
“I’m good.”
“Have you had dinner?”
I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.”
“Rose and I are going for pizza. We’d love for you to come too.”
My head continued to shake. “I’m not hungry. Enjoy your pizza,” I said, my voice void of all emotion as I turned and started to head toward the basement. After a few steps, I turned back toward Rory. “I don’t know how God feels about you and Rose.” I shrugged. “I just know that I’ve felt lost for the past five years. The lie didn’t protect me. And my reaction the other night wasn’t really to Rose … or you and Rose. I know this because I’ve had time to sort through my feelings. It wasn’t Dad. It wasn’t even your arrest that destroyed our family; the fact that you tried to live the wrong life … that’s what destroyed us. And it might take me awhile to come to terms with everything, but I can imagine it must have been painful to find the right person at the worst possible time.” I kept my attention laser focused on Rory. Had I given Fisher the quickest of glances, I would have lost it.
Rory returned a smile. It was a little sad and a little relieved. “Thank you.” Tears shined in her eyes.
After I unpacked and tossed in a load of laundry, I grabbed one of Rory’s beers from the fridge and took a seat on the porch, music flowing from my phone and my gaze on the sun setting behind the mountains.
“I fucked myself.”
I didn’t want to grin as Fisher stood at the door to the porch, but I couldn’t help it. I took a swig of the beer to hide my grin.
“I’m pretty good.” He stepped onto the porch and sat in the rocker where Rory usually sat.
“I don’t doubt that.” I rubbed my lips together. “But what do I know? I’m just an asshole.”
Fisher eyed the beer in my hand, but he didn’t say anything about it. “Rory grilled me on what I said to you while she was gone. Thanks for that.”
I nodded. “You’re welcome.” After a long pause of silence, I caved. “What did you tell her?”
“I told her I used a lot of swear words around you.”
“And she believed you?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I guess so.”
I took another big swig of beer, praying for a little buzz to soothe my nerves.
“What are you going to do, Reese? Move back to Texas because your mom is going to Hell?”
“I don’t know, Fisher. Would that make me a total asshole?”
“Probably.”
I rolled my eyes and refocused on the view. “Well, you would know what it’s like to be a total asshole.”
“Why? Because I wouldn’t fuck you?”
“Well, from what I hear, I’m the only single female in a twenty-mile radius you haven’t put your dick into. That makes me a unicorn. Maybe that makes me the one woman you can’t have.”
He stood and took two steps in my direction, snagging the bottle of beer from my hand and drinking the rest of it in one shot. “If I wanted you, I could have you, and we both know it.”
“No.” I shook my head. “You can’t have me. Not now. Not ever. I don’t want you anymore.”
“You do.” He handed the empty bottle back to me.
“I don’t!” I stood, chin up, shoulders back, teeth clenched.
With a smug expression, he eyed me like he used to do, but I didn’t fall for it. “It’s almost too easy.”
“What’s too—”
He kissed me. Hard. Harder than he had ever kissed me. And I fought him, but I lost because I did want him to kiss me. It’s all I wanted. But it didn’t mean I was going to give myself to him. No matter how much I wanted his kiss, it didn’t change what had happened between us.
My hand dropping the empty bottle to the floor so my fingers could dive into his hair didn’t change anything either.