I smile back, ecstatic he’s found the happiness he deserves.
Trouble’s expression turns uncertain. “Will you be staying?”
“I think so,” I say, still unsure how living here will affect me, but desperately wanting to be here with my family.
“I know it’ll be hard, but if you give it time, I think you could be happy here, Rella. Emo, Judge, JW, and I have changed a lot around here. Made it a safe place to be proud to live in.”
I have no doubt his words are true. Despite its unorthodox name, Layla spoke highly of the town she lived in. She claimed Malus was more a home to her than the town she grew up in. I didn’t allow myself to really take in my surroundings when I drove into town or when Trouble brought me here to our childhood home, but the small parts that made it past my defenses were a lot different than I remembered as a child.
I just hope my demons will allow me the freedom to be happy here.
I look over and find Aziah’s eyes on me. On the very rare occasion I would leave Deanna and Mick’s house, I would always be uncomfortable when people looked at me, but I find having Aziah’s eyes on me is comforting. I think I actually like it.
“Layla’s been asking about you,” Remi says. “She’s worried about you and wanted to know if she could stop by sometime.”
Guilt resurfaces. Layla has been my only friend for the past couple of years, and I feel bad for leaving her in the dark.
“I’ll call her. Can I invite her over tomorrow maybe? I should probably explain some things to her.”
“Of course. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“Thank you.”
“Mae will want to see you too.”
My heart stutters. “Mae’s here?”
Trouble’s lips tip up. “She is. She was at the bar yesterday when you showed up. You about gave her a heart attack. She’s been calling on the hour every hour since then. I asked her to give you a couple of days, but she’s growing impatient.”
“I can’t believe she’s here.” Mae and Dale were always there for us when we were children. Besides Trouble and my self-proclaimed brothers, they were the only light in our lives back then. They were our saving grace. I’ve thought about and missed them a lot over the years.
“What about Dale?”
Trouble’s gaze drops from mine for a moment before he lifts his head again, sadness churning in his eyes. “He died three years ago.”
My throat closes, and I have to work at not breaking down again. The loss of Dale is astounding. He was my father of the heart.
“Well, it’s about time for Elijah’s lunch,” Remi says, sensing the despondent mood. I’m glad for the change of subject.
With a quick kiss to Trouble, she walks over and scoops their son up from the floor. “I’ll make some sandwiches for everyone.”
“Don’t worry about one for me. I think I’m going to go call Layla and take a nap.” I suddenly feel drained, my emotions still in an uproar. I turn to Aziah. “Will I… see you later?”
His answer is immediate and firm. “Yes.”
“I’m glad.”
I turn away and feel his eyes on me. At the door, I turn back to see he’s following me, but Trouble calls his name, stopping him. His fists clench at his sides and his jaw is tense. I offer a small smile and turn back around, knowing he’s still watching me until I’m out of sight.
CHAPTER FIVE
EMO
I STAND UNDER THE HOT SPRAY, the water beating down on my stiff shoulders. With one hand braced on the wall in front of me, I bow my head and stare down at my other hand. The skin is damaged beyond hell and back. I haven’t been able to see the lines on my palms in years.
My eyes move to my forearms. The damage there isn’t quite as extensive, but only just. The tattoos covering me aren’t because I try to hide the scars. They’re there because getting them affords me some of the pain I crave. They also allow me the changes I need. Looking at my body, knowing I’ve used it in the vilest of ways, also knowing it’s been used by my father, disgusts me.
I lift my head, my eyes locking on the key on the shelf sitting beside the soap. Rella’s tearful words from earlier when she told Trouble she had no one echo in my ears. Hearing her pain still sears my brain. Seeing her struggle with the simplest of acts as hugging her brother was one of the hardest things to witness.