I squeeze the hand on my leg and Asher links his fingers with mine. “You're sweet.”
Asher sits up and faces me. He mirrors my position and our knees touch. I shouldn't want to kiss him. We just talked about a girl being raped and I'm about to get an STD test. But the way Asher is looking at me makes my stomach drop and my heart flutter in a way I'm steadily becoming used to. He took the fall for some girl, probably paid for the procedure too, all so she didn't have to look at her child's face and be reminded of a monster. It's kind of a turn on.
"I’m serious," he insists. "Let me go with you."
“I’m good, I promise.” I squeeze his shoulder because I need to touch him. A smile tugs at Asher's lips. I don't think he minds having my hands on his body. One of these days I'm going to feel every inch of him. Just maybe not today.
"Alright. What time are you leaving?" Asher pushes my hair behind my ear.
I think he feels the same pull I do. I close my eyes and lean into his hand. His thumb strokes my cheek, brushing against the corner of my mouth.
I open my eyes, wondering, Is this an invitation to kiss him? “Eleven forty-five. Right after lunch.”
“If you change your mind, let me know," he whispers. He leans closer until the heat of his breath tickles my cheeks.
I lick my lips, aware I've drawn attention to them. We stay like this until it's obvious he isn't going to make a move. Until I get the all-clear from the doctor, I probably shouldn't either. The way Asher has me feeling, once we open that door, I doubt we'd be kissing long. Hands would be roaming and that orgasm he promised me wouldn't be too far off.
I pull back and walk over to my dresser, fishing a pair of earrings from my jewelry box. “I will. We should probably get going or we will be late.”
The morning flows by faster than I would have hoped, and my appointment at Planned Parenthood is in less than an hour. I have to leave school in thirty minutes and I am freaking the F out. I hate needles, but more so, I’m terrified as to what my blood work will show. My opinion of Liam has changed in the past few weeks. I don't know how I was so ignorant.
“Oh, my gosh, Lainey!” Maggie squeals as she sets her tray down beside me. “I forgot to tell you! Mom and I finally found the perfect dress.”
“Oh yeah?” I say with a forced smile at the same time Asher asks, “For what?”
Maggie rolls her eyes like she can’t be bothered with Asher’s ignorance. I’d laugh, but my mind is too cluttered with thoughts about this afternoon. “Do you live in a cave? Prom! It’s next weekend.”
“Oh!” Asher says, his eyes widening. They look to me with wonder, confusion, and a little bit of something I can't figure out.
I shift in my seat and stab at my salad with my fork. We’ve never talked about the dance. As Asher’s fake girlfriend, it’s implied that we go together. If he goes. Asher, however, hasn’t made any indication that prom is something he’s interested in. While I want to go to the dance, I can’t if my fake boyfriend isn’t at my side.
“Prom.” Asher’s brows knit together. “Huh. I forgot that was coming up.”
“Forgot?” Maggie’s face twists in disgust. “This is the last dance we will go to. Like, ever! How have you not asked Lainey to be your date yet?” Maggie doesn’t wait for Asher to respond. She gasps as if he’s said something horrible when really her mind is running away from her. “You cannot break up with Lainey before prom. I swear to god, Asher, I will castrate you!”
“Relax.” Asher chuckles and throws his arm over me. “If I had my way, Ellie and I would grow old together, but that’s not my call. It's hers.”
I stare at Asher, not sure what to say. I know that things between us are fake but it’s hard to know where the line is for him when he talks like that. I wish he meant it, because I like what we have. It’s going to suck when school ends in a few weeks. I don’t want to think about what college will be like. He’s a great football player. It’ll take no time for girls to notice him.
I roll my eyes and pretend that the string of faceless girls I’m imagining don’t bother me. "Oh, please. You’ll be sick of me before we hit our one-year anniversary.”
“I doubt that.” Asher rubs his fingers across my arm.
"Yeah, we’ll see.” I feel panicky. I don’t want to think about the future. We graduate in six weeks. Asher will move on and I will be loser Lainey, the girl who lost the two boys she’s ever cared about. Feelings suck. “Say we do make it to our first anniversary or even the second, sooner or later, you'll be drafted by some big-wig football team and be gone. Long distance relationships are hard. You talk a sweet talk, Asher, but we don’t know where life will take us once we graduate.”
“Who said anything about long distance?” He smirks. “I’m taking you with me.”
“Really?” I ask in disbelief. I doubt he's thought about the seriousness of what he's implying. I'd have to put my career on hold to follow him around the country, possibly even the world. I push those thoughts aside and scold myself. This isn't real. Asher and I don't have a future. Not if I don't make us real, that is.
“Well, yeah.” Asher leans over and kisses the side of my temple. I blush, loving the way his lips feel on my skin. It’s been too long since I've had his mouth on mine. The alarm on my phone rings, signaling it’s time to leave. I swallow hard and try to push the thoughts of needles and blood and possible STDs from my mind.
“Sweetie?" Maggie asks. "Are you okay?"
“I’m fine.” I stand and blood rushes to my head making me sway. I press both hands on the table to steady myself. This is horrible. I can’t do this. I think I’ll stay at school. I’m not having sex anyway. I can live with whatever Liam may have given me.
Asher stands and takes my hand. “She’s just nervous because I told her I had a surprise planned for after lunch. That alarm is our cue to go.”
I stare out the window as we drive through town, twisting the hem of my shirt into a knot. Undoing it. Then twisting it again. Besides being nervous, I’m embarrassed. I didn’t want Asher to be here with me. I didn’t want him to see how pathetic I am when it comes to doctors. More importantly, I didn’t want him to know that I may have an STD.