A long pause followed before he asked, “Do you respect me?”
“Of course,” she replied.
Even if she sounded weak and almost pathetic, she didn’t care. In the seconds after Aidan’s rope dropped, a realization smacked her like a freight train. His rejection had crushed the strong parts of her, and with that powerful part gone, it brought a memory of a time long ago that she had felt exactly the same way.
As if the walls of protection she’d built around herself vanished when he tugged away the rope. It reminded her of when she had decided to ignore her feelings for Aidan. One action had drawn her back to that period in her life, as if no time had passed at all.
She couldn’t ignore herself anymore.
This broke her heart.
Porter’s lips thinned. “If you lie to me, you will insult me.”
“I know that,” she replied.
The techno music shifted to a soft instrumental song, and Cora didn’t doubt that Master Dmitri was responsible. She appreciated it, too, as it helped to comfort her. In her peripheral vision, she saw Master Kyler shoo away Kenzie. While it relieved Cora, she also thought it sweet of Kenzie to check in on her. By now everyone in the dungeon was aware of her scene, or lack thereof. That was humiliating and embarrassing in itself.
Porter dropped his hand from her chin. “All right, now that we have that established, tell me what is going on.” Concern creased the corners of his eyes, making Porter look so much older than Cora remembered. “I’ve never in my life seen you like you were tonight. Why are you not telling Aidan the truth?”
Staring into Porter’s solid features, Cora couldn’t find the strength to hide her feelings any longer, nor could she lie to herself. Tonight she had officially dropped. She’d become a weak person she never wanted to be. “It’s difficult.”
“Yes, clearly,” Porter agreed sternly. “Why?”
Cora hesitated, dragging in her runaway thoughts. She couldn’t avoid this any longer, and in her job, she’d call this rock bottom. Nonetheless, it didn’t make talking about something she’d pushed away long ago any easier, no matter how much she tried to numb herself to it. “I don’t know how to talk about this.”
“That excuse will no longer work. You broke tonight. You need to explain why.” Porter tucked the blankets around her a little tighter before he lifted his gaze. “Did Master Aidan hurt the trust between you?”
Alarmed at his suggestion, she snapped, “No!”
He scanned her face, regarding her. “Then what is it?”
Knowing Porter and the determination of this Dom, she believed with total certainty he wouldn’t drop the matter until she explained herself. She flipped over onto her back and pressed her head against the couch. “You know when we broke up, it didn’t upset me. We were okay. It was better between us as friends.” She snuggled into the blankets. “I was happier. But then I came to Club Sin.”
His head cocked, his gaze probing hers. “All this started when you joined Club Sin?”
She nodded.
Porter studied her hard, then asked with raised brows, “Being in this club is bad for you?”
She heaved a sigh in total understanding of his surprise. Club Sin was, by far, the perfect place for her. A great club for any submissive who enjoyed the power exchange and kink in the dungeon but not out of it. All the Doms held the same morals, a similar view on limits, and the Doms were experienced, even caring to extremes. “Not bad, but it changed me.”
“Changed how?”
Drawn into feelings she had fought against for so long, she admitted a truth she’d avoided: “It made me shut down.”
He glanced out to Master Kyler as Master Dmitri sidled up to him. Master Dmitri never looked to Cora, nor approached. He simply nodded to Master Kyler and then strode away. Porter turned to Cora. “But why would you do that—what happened that made you make that decision?”
Heaviness formed in Cora’s limbs as she remembered all the reasons she did what she did, but this Dom wasn’t the one she needed to tell it to. The Dom she owed that truth had abandoned her. Lord, she’d given the same advice to the girls group—“talking about this stuff is tough, but it’s good you were brave and honest.”
Master Aidan couldn’t deal with her if she wasn’t being honest. And that was the truth to submission. The Dom held the control only if the submissive allowed it, and she hadn’t been. She’d been allowing him only a sliver of control, and when he pushed for more, she had refused.
Of course, for his own sake and hers. Maybe, though, that hadn’t been the right thing to do. Tonight she’d caused him to walk away. Cora didn’t know if her actions had helped or hurt the situation. Maybe shielding him from his pain had only damaged him more.
In front of all his friends and other Doms, she had embarrassed him. She gave Aidan no other option than to release her as his submissive. What kind of Dom would he have been if he had continued to play with her when she had obviously rejected his touch? Tears welled in her eyes, and she dropped her head into her han
ds. “This is what I didn’t want. I wanted to play. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel.”
Porter removed her hands, forcing her to look at him. “How is that fair to you?”