“Because it worked,” she replied.
“Did it?” His brows rose. “Seems to me it didn’t work at all.”
Cora absorbed his words, and she couldn’t refuse the statement. She’d never been a weak submissive, but she had ignored emotions when maybe she shouldn’t have. What she had done had changed her, and not for the better. Though she believed sometimes a person didn’t have a choice. “Okay, fine, but the talking bit is difficult.”
“Being honest with yourself isn’t easy? Telling Aidan how you feel is hard?” Porter shook his head, cursing silently. “Cora, this isn’t making any sense.”
She ran her fingers under the cozy blanket, admitting an overwhelming truth. “I wish I had you.”
Porter gave steady eye contact. “You do, always.”
“No,” she retorted, unsure of how to get this out right. “I wish I had what you made me feel back then. How safe it was for me to share anything with you.”
His gaze blazed. “Is that what has happened here, you don’t feel safe?”
A tear slid down her cheek, which she hurried to swipe away. “No, I don’t.”
“Excuse me?”
Cora jerked her head to Master Kyler looming over her. The dungeon at his back looked pitch black, but the light from the scone on the wall highlighted his frown. “I—”
“I wanted to stay out of this,” he interjected in a tight voice, “but this has become a Club Sin matter.” He leaned down toward her, his body rigid. “You don’t feel safe?”
If this could get any worse, it just fucking had.
Great. Not only did she insult one Club Sin Master tonight, she’d insulted two of them. She cleared her throat, withdrawing into the couch. “No, it’s not that.”
“Don’t lie,” Porter growled.
Cora looked from Porter to Master Kyler, and her thoughts swam. What would happen if she admitted the truth? Would it make things better with Aidan? Would it fix everything or only make it worse?
How much worse can it possibly get?
Through all her runaway thoughts, one truth stood out. These were not the Doms she needed to explain her personal torment to. Everything she’d said to them had been the truth—she didn’t feel safe in Club Sin, but … she wasn’t explaining herself right, they were missing the context of it all. “With you I feel safe,” she said to Master Kyler.
When he leaned away, the tension in the corners of his eyes faded. “What makes you feel unsafe, then?”
Uncontrollable tears slid down her cheek. Yes, she owed honesty, and believed it would save her. Everyone knew she loved Aidan, she never doubted that. But no one knew what she’d done for him—how she hid her feelings to protect him. Nobody knew the why she had never told him. “I need more time before I talk about it.”
Master Kyler knelt down in front of her and took her hand. “You need to talk about whatever you’ve been ignoring. The things you’re saying … the way you broke tonight …” He hesitated, his gaze softening. “You’re struggling, Cora. Let us help you.”
“Yes, I’m realizing that now.” She heaved a sigh, wiping away another tear. “But I can’t talk to either of you.”
“Why?” they both asked in unison.
With the soft instrumental music around her, she glanced between them. Two incredible men that she’d put into the male-best-friend category, men who would always be there for her and that she depended on. “Because it doesn’t involve either of you.”
Porter took her other hand. “You don’t run from a problem, you chew on it until it’s no longer a problem. You don’t fear the impossible, you go after it. Enough is enough already. You can’t keep living like this.”
No, she couldn’t, even she knew that. For too long she’d hid her feelings to protect Aidan. Also, not to lose him, and she had lost him anyway. She hadn’t even talked to Presley or Kenzie about what she felt and why she hurt.
She’d always shielded Aidan in hopes that one day he’d see her waiting in front of him. Though some people would think she was crazy, she understood his pain. She sympathized with his need for more time to recover from Lily.
Hell, she was paid to understand those dark emotions.
Now she’d reached that fork in the road when she had to make a decision. Forget about feelings that could—and did—weaken her, or face a hard truth that would require all of her strength.
She couldn’t give Aidan more time. Either he needed to face his demons or she had to move on. She’d always told herself if it ever got rocky between them or she thought he wasn’t treating her right, she would walk away.