To Cut a Long Story Short

‘But all the magazines you have just mentioned sell many thousands of copies. How many copies of Business Enterprise UK did you publish?’

‘Ninety-nine,’ replied Kenny.

‘Only ninety-nine? Then it was hardly likely to top the bestsellers’ list, was it? Please enlighten the court as to why you settled on that particular figure.’

‘Because it is fewer than a hundred, and the Data Protection Act 1992 defines a publication as consisting of at least one hundred copies. Clause 2, subsection 11.’

‘That may well be the case, Mr Merchant, which is all the more reason,’ suggested Mr Jarvis, ‘that to expect clients to pay PS500 for an unsolicited advertisement in your magazine was outrageous.’

‘Outrageous, perhaps, but not a crime,’ said Kenny, with a disarming smile.

‘Allow me to move on, Mr Merchant. Perhaps you could explain to the court on what you based your decision, when it came to charging each company.’

‘I found out how much their accounts departments were authorised to spend without having to refer to higher authority.’

‘And what deception did you perpetrate to discover that piece of information?’

‘I called the accounts department and asked to speak to the billing clerk.’

A ripple of laughter ran through the courtroom. The judge cleared his throat theatrically and demanded the court come to order.

‘And on that alone you based your decision on how much to charge?’

‘Not entirely. You see, I did have a rate card. Prices varied between PS2,000 for a full-colour page and PS200 for a quarter-page, black and white. I think you’ll find we’re fairly competitive - if anything, slightly below the national average.’

‘Certainly you were below the national average for the number of copies produced,’ snapped Mr Jarvis.

‘I’ve known worse.’

‘Perhaps you can give the court an example,’ said Mr Jarvis, confident that he had trapped the defendant.

‘The Conservative Party.’

‘I’m not following you, Mr Merchant.’

‘They hold a dinner once a year at Grosvenor House. They sell around five hundred programmes and charge PS5,000 for a full-page advertisement in colour.’

‘But at least they allow potential advertisers every opportunity to refuse to pay such a rate.’

‘So do I,’ retorted Kenny.

‘So, you do not accept that it is against the law to send invoices to companies who were never shown the product in the first place?’

‘That may well be the law in the United Kingdom,’ said Kenny, ‘even in Europe. But it does not apply if the magazine is produced in Hong Kong, a British colony, and the invoices are despatched from that country.’

Mr Jarvis began sifting through his papers.

‘I think you’ll find it’s amendment 9, clause 4, as amended in the Lords at report stage,’ said Kenny.

‘But that is not what their Lordships intended when they drafted that particular amendment,’ said Jarvis, moments after he had located

the relevant clause.

‘I am not a mind-reader, Mr Jarvis,’ said Kenny, ‘so I cannot be sure what their Lordships intended. I am only interested in keeping to the letter of the law.’

‘But you broke the law by receiving money in England and not declaring it to the Inland Revenue.’

‘That is not the case, Mr Jarvis. Business Enterprise UK is a subsidiary of the main company, which is registered in Hong Kong. In the case of a British colony, the Act allows subsidiaries to receive the income in the country of distribution.’