“Are you kidding me right now?” He rakes his hand over his head and tugs on the ends of his hair. “What the hell is wrong with you, Kat? Is this par for the course? Should I be grateful that I’m at least awake when you ditch out this time? How can you leave after what just happened?”
“We fucked, Gavin,” I say harshly. “That’s all.” Clearly my defense mechanisms are kicking in.
He scowls. “That was not fucking and you know it, Kat. I’ve never…I’ve never experienced a connection like that before. It was even stronger than the first time we were together. It was fucking surreal.”
Yes, it was, but I don’t tell him that. “No need to pretty it up on my account. We both got off and now that we’re done, it’s time for me to go.”
“You’re so goddamn confusing!” he shouts. “I’ve never met someone that throws around as many mixed signals as you do.”
I blanch at the harshness in his tone. “Well, pardon me for being so damn complicated. Don’t worry; I won’t make this mistake again so you can just forget it ever happened.” I grab my keys off the floor and head for the front door.
He grabs my arm. “Kat, wait. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be a dick. Stay so we can talk about this. Just stay, damn it.”
Tears prick at my eyes. “I can’t. Trust me when I say it’s for your own good. You don’t want me, Gavin.”
“I’m a grown-ass man. Don’t you think I can decide that for myself?”
“I’m well aware of how grown you are.” And how fast you’d run away once you found out I’m still in high school. “Unless you plan on forcing me to stay against my will, I’m out of here.”
He looks affronted as he releases me. “I would never force you to do anything against your will. What would possess you to even say something like that?”
I see the wheels turning in his brain and decide that I need to make a quick exit. I open the door and look back one last time. “Forget I said anything. Goodbye, Gavin.”
I think he’s still contemplating my words as I step outside because he doesn’t attempt to follow. I squash down the disappointment as I get in my car and drive away. I head straight back to my apartment and see that the lights are still on. Having no desire to walk into God-knows-what, I opt for sleeping in the cramped backseat instead. My brain and my body are completely spent and I need at least a few hours of rest before I can deal with anything else. As I fold my arm under my head, I think about how comforting the blanket from Gavin’s couch would be right now. Or even better, how comfortable my head would be lying on his chest. Oh, well, when has my life ever been easy? I close my eyes and will myself to fall asleep and forget he ever existed.
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I walk through the bustling halls of McKinley High after first period calculus. Whoever had the idea that math should be taught before noon was a sadist—my brain already hurts. I stash my book in my locker and close it, ready to head to AP Literature.
“Oh-Em-Gee, Kat! I’ve been dying to talk to you! You really need to get a cell phone so we can text.”
I roll my eyes at Bree, my only real friend besides Dylan. We’ve had this conversation many times and I give her the same reply that I always do. “Yes, Bree; we’ve been through this. I’d be happy to get a cell phone if you’d like t
o pay for it.”
She returns the gesture and gathers her long locks into a ponytail. “Har har, Kitty.”
On the surface, Bree is your stereotypical American high school girl. She’s blonde, beautiful, and a cheerleader with a perennially sunny disposition. Nothing seems to faze her. In reality, she comes from a broken home with some seriously fucked up parents. She moved here when they went to jail for meth distribution and her aunt offered to take her in. I’ve learned that damaged people seem to gravitate toward one another. It’s like we can recognize each other’s pain and need someone with whom we can just be our authentic selves.
I start walking toward class. “Very funny, Bree-otch.” Hey, if she can use an annoying nickname, so can I. “What’s up? We only have a few minutes before the tardy bell rings.”
Her hair swings back and forth as we walk. “Your second period class is Lit, right? With the new guy?”
I glance at my schedule. “Yeah…Mr. Cooper. Why?”
She flashes her pearly whites. “Because he’s gorgeous!” she says in a singsong voice. “I mean, like totally drool-all-over-your-desk gorgeous. I had him for first period and my panties practically melted off my body! I swear I’m going to dream about blowing him under his desk tonight.”
“Nice. Thanks for putting that visual in my head.”
“Oh, trust me, you won’t have any trouble coming up with your own pornographic images to replace it.” She steps into her next class and gives me a finger wave. “Good luck concentrating, Kitty!”
Dylan comes up and swings his arm around my shoulder. “What was that about?”
“That was Bree being Bree. That girl always has sex on the brain.”
He laughs and squeezes me into a side hug. “Just that girl, huh?”
“Oh, shut it, Dyl. C’mon, we’re about to be late.”
We run down the hall and slide through the doors right before the bell rings. Dylan also has several AP classes so our schedules are pretty similar this semester. We spot two adjoining desks toward the back and take a seat as the teacher begins taking roll. I grab my notebook out of my bag and face forward waiting for my name to be called. I freeze as my eyes travel toward the front of the room where our new teacher, Mr. Cooper, is commanding attention. Bree was right; the man is gorgeous. I slowly sink into my seat and watch as each student raises their hand after their names are called. I’m pretty sure shock is the only reason my feet are still firmly rooted in place. Every cell in my body is urging me to run far, far away.